Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes


Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!


#68. I once had the perfect phone number.

Okay, you’re gonna think I’m a schmuck for this one. No, really, even more than you already do. I know, I know, it doesn’t seem possible. Well, keep reading — you’ll see.

So, I always have a hard time remembering phone numbers and PIN numbers and things like that. (And names, and birthdays, and just about everything else that I can’t fit in writing on the tag on my underwear or the palm of my hand. It’s an interesting life; it really is.)

Anyway, to combat this debilitating lack of remembery, I have to try to find relationships or mnemonics that I can use to help me keep those numbers in my head. This is a constant battle I fight, but I’m getting better at it. I still remember an old friend’s extension where we worked eleven years ago, for instance. But that was an easy one — his number was x6976. Or ’69’ and ’76’. A sexual position and America’s birthday. So I came up with ‘Sexual Revolution’ to help me remember, and I haven’t forgotten it since. I probably never will. I couldn’t even tell you what my friend’s friggin’ name is at this point, but I can still call up the desk where he worked a decade ago. This, for me, is a major accomplishment. Useless, perhaps, but major. Right up there with stuffing three tennis balls in my mouth at once.

So, while I was living in Pittsburgh — that same eleven years ago, as a matter of fact — I got a phone number, purely by accident, that spelled out a bad joke. And not by converting the numbers to letters, either. I mean, just as numbers. It wasn’t a very good joke, of course, but it was a hell of a handy way to remember my phone number. Here’s the joke:

What’s a sixty-eight with two people?

That’s when the guy says to the girl, ‘Hey, let’s do sixty-nine, except I’ll owe you one.

Har de friggin’ har, right? Not exactly Richard Pryor, is it? Hell, it’s barely Carrot Top. But, here it is again, with significant highlighting:

What’s a sixty-eight with two people?

That’s when the guy says to the girl, ‘Hey, let’s do sixty-nine, except I’ll owe you one.

See? Sixty-eight, two, sixty-nine, owe (oh), one. 682-6901. How fucking cool is that? Sure, people (like, oh, my mother) looked at me a little funny when I told them the whole story. But not one soul ever forgot my phone number. I’m still tryin’ to get it for my cell phone, so I can have it forever and ever. So far, no luck. Though I do have a cell number that spells out something to do with beer when you convert the numbers to letters. So it’s not all bad. My alky friends don’t forget the number, at least. And for now, it’ll have to do. Until I can wrangle Sprint into changing it to my old number. Why oh why did I ever give it away?!

Permalink  |  No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios

Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine



Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved