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34

Charlie’s “100 Things Posts About Me”

#34. I’m a pretty good juggler.

Actually, I’m not bad at all, as long as I stick to three balls. (And who among us wouldn’t stick to three balls, if given the chance, eh?)

Anyway, I can also juggle two balls in each hand (let it go, people, let it go…), but not at the same time. It’s amazing how you’re often able to do two things, but not at once, isn’t it? Like ‘sneeze’ and ‘stare’, or ‘poop’ and ‘not squint’, or — for most folks — ‘vote’ and ‘think’. And for me, ‘juggle over here’ and ‘juggle over there’. I just can’t get it right.

But I can do some tricks with three balls. (Then again, couldn’t we all, right? I hate to encourage the perverts among you, but this is good stuff, isn’t it?) Anyway, I can do a cascade, a shower (one direction, anyway), and a reversed cascade. I can also juggle off a wall, (sometimes) throw a ball from behind my back, and — on a good day — approximate a decent shuffle. Plus a few other assorted little tricklets and gimmicks.

I other words, I’m just nearly good enough to put on clown makeup and entertain a gaggle of snotty brat-monsters. Ugh. So I keep my juggling fairly private. The one place where I do like to juggle a bit is at work, though. I fid that when I’m working on some particularly thorny problem, throwing a few balls around helps to relax me, and get me back on track. Of course, so does throwing a few beers around, but I can’t very well do that before noon, now, can I?

Anyway, I’d like to get better, and maybe someday juggle four balls, or learn how to do bowling pins. (Plus, there’s far less snickering if you juggle pins instead of balls. Really.) I’ve practiced a bit with plastic rings, and can manage them okay, but they’re a pain in the ass to work with, because they go rolling off all over the frickin’ room when you miss one. I tried coating them with tape, or glue, so they wouldn’t go so far, but — as I see in hindsight — that wasn’t my best idea ever. All I got was more frustration and some sticky fingers. And if I’d wanted that, I’d have stuck to juggling balls.

Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week. (Tee hee!)