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25

Charlie’s “100 Things Posts About Me”

#25. I got married when I was twenty-five years old.

Okay, I don’t know if there’s anything particularly funny about our wedding. Frankly, it pretty much went off without a hitch. Well, to be fair, it went of with a hitching, of course. That’s the whole point. Having a wedding without a hitching would represent quite a big hitch in the event, now, wouldn’t it?

But there were no real surprises. No one stood up after the ‘Speak now, or forever hold your peace.‘ line. I didn’t get trashed at the bachelor party and throw up on my wife’s veil, or on the flower girl, or anything like that. The bridesmaids didn’t stuff a monkey in the wedding dress and send it out for the ceremony. Nothing like that. It wasn’t even a shotgun wedding.

(I know, I know — why would any sane girl marry me otherwise? Who knows? I like to think it’s because I make her laugh. And when I tell her so, she does snicker at the thought. I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, though…)

So, anyway, what else can I tell you? We were married in Kentucky, on a Saturday afternoon in June. Our mothers both got pretty tipsy at the reception. We gingerly, daintily slipped the slice of wedding cake into each others’ mouth after the cutting ceremony, because when it gets right down to it, we’re scared to shit of each other. And the groomsmen spent most of their time hitting on the single bridesmaids and other female hangers-on. In short, it’s pretty much all that you could ever ask for in a wedding.

I mean, sure, Heather Graham didn’t slink up out of the wedding cake and sing ‘Happy Birthday, Mr. President‘ to me, or anything. But who am I to be greedy?