Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

My New Year’s Resolution: Stop Blogging About This Goddamned Illness!

Whew.

Not ‘whee‘, exactly, but at least ‘whew‘. I think the worst of my little holiday illness is behind me. I don’t know who the hell dropped a tab of pissed-off bacteria in my Christmas eggnog in the first place, but I think my immune system has finally begun to defend itself. Unfortunately, that means my body is now working to expel the attackers, through whatever orifice it deems convenient at the time. And my body’s notion of ‘convenient’ is just a tad more all-encompassing than mine. I’m pretty sure I have phlegm coming out of my navel right now. And I’m not even gonna tell you what’s been going on… um, ‘around back’ lately. Let’s just say I’ve been getting a lot of reading done. Yeah. Ahem. Moving on, then.

In other health-related news, my teeth seem to be roughly ten percent bigger than they were. For some reason, my whole mouth just feels… wrong. Maybe my glands are swollen or something; I dunno. It just doesn’t seem like there’s as much chewing room in there as there used to be. I bet that’s where all the damned bacteria or viruseses are hiding, the bastards. They’re probably stowed away in there between my cheeks, hiding out from my immune system. Stinkin’ vermin bugs, screwing up my mouth like that. Screw that, man — I’ll Listerine those fuckers out of there. And if that doesn’t fix it… well, I don’t know what I’ll try next. Drano, maybe, or battery acid. Paint thinner, if I can find any. One way or another, I’ll get those little bugs the hell out of my mouth. They’ve caused me enough grief as it is. And I’ve gotta get ’em out before my body finds ’em. If my body gets hold of those things, it’s gonna kick ’em out the loooong way. And, like I said, I’m already getting plenty of reading done as it is. I don’t need that.

Um, okay, sorry. I’ll try to write the rest of this entry without mentioning any more about what’s coming out of my ass. Really, I don’t think I’m normally quite so preoccupied with such things. But I have been sick for the past few days, and I am watching South Park right now… so maybe it’s understandable. What? No? Well, shit — drink some more champagne, dammit. Drink until it’s understandable.

(Or until phlegm starts coming out of your navel. Seriously, don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile in my belly button. Or… um, something.)

Well. This is certainly one for the annals, isn’t it? Awright, screw it. It’s almost midnight — I’m gonna go back to watching South Park and drinking my NyQuil-Chloraseptic highballs. I’ll try to do better next year. Happy 2004, everybody!

Permalink  |  7 Comments



7 Responses to “My New Year’s Resolution: Stop Blogging About This Goddamned Illness!”

  1. Busy Mom says:

    A healthy and happy New Year to you!

  2. Jon says:

    happy new year

  3. Adrienne says:

    Happy New Year!

    Hope you are feeling better soon.

  4. Jeff A says:

    Happy New Year,

    and quit talking out your ass!

  5. Aimee says:

    Heyla!! I spotted your link on the ‘Recently Posted’ blog list, and gave it a go. Whey hey…we have a winner here! I’ve been giggling ever since I clicked in and started reading…I love your style. I hope you don’t mind another set of eyes ogling your font.

    ~*~Aimee~*~

  6. Charlie says:

    Hey, happy new year to all of you, too!

    And Aimee, glad to have you! I am always happy to have more eyes to ogle my font. Just look out if I start whipping out serifs… that just gets crazy!

  7. Brad says:

    It’s difficult not to blog about being sick. I did it too. When you feel like crap, for so long, it just ends up in posts. (although now I think about it, I’m sure writers get sick…you don’t see “that team really got the snot beat out of em”)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved