March 2, 2006
Things Posts About Me”
#53. I learned at least one thing from every class in college.
Don’t believe me? Check it out — here’s a baker’s dozen of lessons learned:
- Anatomy: The nephron is the functional unit of the kidney.
- Calculus: It is possible to sleep sitting upright, and with my eyes open.
- Chemistry Lab: Sulfur smells like ass.
- Comparative Religion: Meditation is pretty cool, but it won’t get you laid.
- Economics: I fucking hate Economics.
- Government: Pork barrels beat checks and balances every time.
- History: The Hundred Years’ War didn’t really last all that long.
- Humanities: The two most important Greek columnar styles are Doric and Ionic.
- Literature: Ozymandias was a badass.
- Microbiology: Lactose-fermenting bacterial colonies have a green sheen on EMB agar.
- Philosophy: We are all looking at shadows on the wall of a cave.
- Physical Chemistry: Professors are not going to die, just because you wish it.
- Religion: A literal interpretation of the Bible is inherently logically inconsistent.
So, I guess that money for college didn’t go right out the window, after all, now did it? Okay, other than the fact that I left biology to do software development, and use none of my training from college in any way whatsoever. Still — not bad, huh? Nephron? That’ll get me a pie wedge in Trivial Pursuit. And Ozymandias — very scholarly. The chicks dig that. And that Greek column shit? People eat that up. Yeah, that was so worth fifty grand to go to school. No doubt.
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