This is the Where the Hell Was I? humor weblog, and you're soaking in it. Relax, it's good for your skin, and it'll give your coat a healthy shine.
I started this site way back in the summer of 2003, with a keyboard, a prayer, and a truckload of parentheses. My very first post describes (between the tangents and asides) my difficulty in even finding a name for the thing. That was back when the site was hosted at BlogSpot, before I knew any better. Silly me.
From those fitful, humble beginnings, the blog has soared to... well, fitful, humble middles, I suppose. It's got its own domain now, a fledgling CafePress shop, has just undergone its second software upgrade / design overhaul, and has two and a half years of verbosity stuffed under its belt. But you'll find the same sort of goofy nonsense here now, in early 2006, that was here back when it started.
So what kind of 'goofy nonsense' can you expect here, exactly?
Well, most of the posts in the 'main' area -- delivered daily, or near-so, under normal circumstances -- are original article-length pieces about... anything, really. Bits that I've actually published elsewhere or syndicated as articles can be found in the 'Articles 'n' Zines' category. A jaunt through the other categories will give you a flavor of the common themes, though -- with categories like 'A Doofus Is Me', 'Making Fun of Jerks', 'Fun with Words!', 'Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig', and 'Weird for the Sake of Weird', you get a pretty clear idea of what to expect. It's not Shakespeare, folks. But hopefully, it'll make you chuckle, and you'll never have to spell 'Rosencrantz' on my site. That's a promise.
Apart from that, there are a few other doodads of interest. I turned the ubiquitous blogger '100 Things About Me' into an epic '100
Things Posts About Me. Mostly, so no one can ever claim I'm not thoroughly off my wobbly rocker.
Then there's 'Charlie's Standup Comedy Journal', which includes fifty-plus clips and descriptions of shows performed during my two-year (to date), mostly amateur comedy career. There are a lot of bad jokes in there -- hopefully mostly near the beginning -- but a few gems and highlights, too. And a lot of fun throughout, at least for me.
That's the ten-cent tour of the place; feel free to poke around and explore on your own. Just remember: it you break it, you bought it, and if my silliness makes you upsnort Sanka all over your keyboard, I am not responsible.
(But boy-oh-boy, would I like to hear about it!)
(If you're interested, the original 'About the Blog' page is still around. Knock yourself out.)
I'm Charlie. I'm the sole author, creator, designer, proprietor, babysitter, janitor, and chairman of the board for this site. In fact, I'm the whole board. Anything you see on these pages is almost assuredly my fault. I apologize in advance.
My favorite 'about' blurb to date is one I wrote recently for a 'new author' page for a certain online magazine:
"Charlie Hatton is an overzealous blogger and aspiring standup comedian offering smart, sophisticated humor about life, language, and the size of his naughty bits. Not necessarily in that order.
Charlie lives in the Boston area, and spends most of his daylight hours stuffed in a cubicle, where he's less likely to bump into anything expensive or upset the neighbors. At thirty-five, he's due for a(nother) midlife crisis any day now. "
For those thirsting for more info, I'll offer a brief list history:
I grew up in a pretty crappy part of the country. I don't think I'm quite ready to tell you where exactly, but I'll tell you this -- the state I grew up in has a compass direction in the name. Can you think of any states with 'North', 'South', or 'West' in the name that shouldn't be landfilled over and forgotten about? Me, neither.
So, suffice to say that my childhood was dull at best, and screaming willy-inducing at its worst. I don't have a sister-wife myself, but I know people who do. 'Nuff said.
Of course, I was an ambitious -- if none too bright -- lad, and I vowed to wriggle out of my little pond and see the sights. Travel in search of adventure, I would, searching out the exotic and foreign wonders the world has to offer. Steep myself in new cultures, become a real 'man of the world'. And it would all start with going to some exciting, bustling, cosmopolitan place for college.
I ended up going to school in Kentucky. Central Kentucky.
Rural central Kentucky, on a campus with fewer students than my high school. Like I said, I was none too bright. At least I made it out of the fire, and into the frying pan, though. That's what they call a 'moral victory', folks.
Soon enough, the hazy drunken blur of college was replaced by the hazy, drunken blur of graduate school -- this time in Pittsburgh, PA.
(You see? I was learning. Four years of college, and I finally managed to land in a state not covered in cow shit. Not completely, anyway.)
While in 'the 'Burgh', I switched careers, got hitched to my college sweetheart, and finally hooked up with a company willing to move me to real civilization -- Boston, Massachusetts.
(Yeah, I hear you snickering, New York and L.A. and Tokyo, Japan. Look, we don't need the likes of you telling us we're not big enough to count. We've got a teeny little postage stamp-sized bit of dirt to work with, and we're doing the best we can. Go beat each other up over pollution or crime rates or something; we're busy being wicked smaht over here.)
The missus and I have been in the Boston area for close to seven years now, and we've decided to make ourselves comfortable. We bought a house, picked up a dog, and finagled ourselves a couple of steady jobs. I joined a softball team, a pool league, and made a bunch of friends performing standup comedy around the area. I might even get back to that some day.
Meanwhile, I'm an aspiring writer. Some of what you see on this site has been -- or will be, someday -- cleaned up, polished, and submitted as humor articles for syndication or to various (so far e-)zines. Maybe something will come of that career. Maybe it won't, and II'll keep writing here and not quitting my day job. Either way, I hope you enjoy the site; drop me a line to let me know what you think. Cheers,
(If you're interested, the original 'About the Author' page is still around. Help yourself.)