Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

It Was the Best of Games, It Was the Worst of Games…

…but mostly, it was the very most poopiest worst of games.

Last night, a couple of friends and I ventured out to a local watering hole to watch the final game in the Red SoxYankees series being played in New York. I’m a Red Sox fan. One of the friends I was with is also a Red Sox fan; the other, a damned Yankees fan. We’re all pretty rabid about our chosen teams, but we’re also ‘fans of the game’.

(Which means that we won’t immediately yell and boo and shout obscenities when the opposing team makes a nice catch in the field, or strikes one of our guys out on a nasty pitch.

First, we’ll acknowledge that it was a great play. And then, we’ll yell and boo and shout obscenities.

See? Different.)

Anyway, the game. I got there a bit late — Tony Clark had already homered off of Pedro Martinez to put the Yanks up 2-0 in the second inning. I’m especially glad I missed that, even besides the hole it dropped Boston into. See, Clark used to play for the Sox, just a couple of years ago.

(Oh, Tony… the Yankees? After wearing the crimson hose? How could you? Tsk, brother. Very tsk.)

Anyway, that’s not so terrible. With players moving around all willy-nilly these days, this sort of thing is bound to happen. And we put up with Roger Clemens in pinstripes for years, so ‘Tony the Tiger’ wearing a Yankees getup is a minor assault to the senses in comparison.

But the problem is — Clark was a damned dog when he played for Boston. You’d have trouble convincing many Red Sox fans — present blogger included — that Clark had a home run, or two RBI the entire year he was here. Dog. Absolute tail-chasing, butt-sniffing, woof-woof, piss-on-the-carpet dog. And now he goes and produces against us. We won’t forget that, Tony. You’d better watch your back, there, Skippy.

Anyway, I got there around about the third inning. My comrades were already at the bar, a couple of brews and a plate of nachos into their evening. The game was pretty uneventful until the middle innings. Pokey Reese made a spectacular play for the Sox somewhere in there, falling into the stands behind third base to make a catch on a foul pop. Jorge Posada homered in the fifth — a mammoth upper-deck no-doubter, also off Pedro. Things were starting to look grim.

That’s when the BoSox mounted their comeback. Manny Ramirez homered in the sixth — Sox down 3-2. Pokey — that’s Mister Pokey to you — followed up his acrobatics in the field with… well, a double play, actually. But — and this is a very important ‘but’ — it was a double play with no one out and men on first and third. So while it wasn’t the most useful thing Senor Pokeypants could have done, it still scored a run. And even more importantly, tied the game, 3-3.

And that’s where it stood, for almost another complete game’s worth of innings. Boston’s closer, Keith Foulke, came in to pitch the eighth. The Sox had lost the first two games in this series, and were clearly sending the signal that they’d fight tooth and nail to save this last game. The three of us at the bar mulled the move — it’s a bit risky, since most closers aren’t used to pitching two innings, and we’d want Foulke in there in the ninth, as well. Would he tire? Would he keep focus in a tie game, rather than coming in with the lead? Could it be any more fun to use ‘Foulke’ in a sentence to make it sound dirty? (God, I love baseball.)

Personally, I like the move. Pedro gave you seven strong innings, and you want this game badly. Don’t go pussy-footing around with middle relievers — go right to the big guy in the bullpen. Gutsy call by the manager, Terry Francona, but I like it.

And, as it turned out, it paid off — at least as far as the move went. Foulke breezed through the eighth. The Yankees mounted a rally in the bottom of the ninth, but couldn’t get a run home. And so, we were treated to ‘bonus baseball’. There were various threats and nail-biting moments as the chess game unfolded. Foulke gave way to Mike Timlin in the 10th; the Yankees countered with their closer, Mariano Rivera (who also lasted two innings, as it happened, and still also didn’t figure into the final outcome).

The Sox finally broke through in the 13th inning with another Manny-shot off Yankees reliever Tanyon Sturtze. The fans in Mudville — I mean, Beantown — went wild. Boston had a chance for more runs, too, with runners on second and third with two out and scrappy Trot Nixon pinch-hitting.

That’s when the Yanks’ Derek Jeter, not to be outdone, pulled a ‘Pokey’ of his own and dove — no, plummeted — into the stands after catching Trot’s popup, in just about the same area Reese had made his grab a couple of hours before. Honestly, as a baseball fan, it’s one of the better catches — and selfless efforts — I’ve ever seen. As a Sox fan… it sucked. But it was sort of vindicating to see ‘Jumpin’ Jeter’ climb woozily out of the stands, looking like a punch-drunk Mike Tyson punching bag. Sort of.

At least, until the Yankees came back in the bottom of the inning. Bastards! Ruben Sierra, seemingly as old as baseball itself, started the riot. A few swings and two bench scrubs later (Miguel Cairo and John Flaherty, namely), it was over. Yankees in a thrillah, 5-4 in 13. Bitches!

So, that was my night. I was down… and then I was up… and then down a little… and up quite a bit, and then way, way down. And in the end, I was just drunk. And pissy. (In the ‘outlook on life’ way, not in the ‘hey, what’s that on my pants’ way. Just so you know.)

Anyway, there’s always next year, right? With the Sox, there’s always next year. Eh, screw it. I’ll just wait for the Patriots to kick off their season. Whose idea was this ‘baseball’ bullshit, anyway?

Permalink  |  No Comments



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved