Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Guinness at the Reception? What a Beautiful Ceremony!

Today, I’m off to a wedding. The pitcher/outfielder and first baseman on my softball team are getting married. So — assuming I’ve recovered from my illness enough to not infect the wedding guests with the bubonic plague — it should be fun.

(And in case you’re wondering, yes, it’s a co-ed team. Our ‘first baseman’ is really a… well, a ‘first basewoman’, I guess. Or ‘first baseperson’, or something. Guh.

Dammit, I’m all about this PC shit, but it just looks wrong in baseball lingo! She plays first, all right? You get the point.)

Anyway, it promises to be a good time. And it has the double secret-nil added bonus of being not-far-away, but still hotel-room-worthy. Which might have more to do with the open bar at the reception than the half-hour drive it’ll take to get there.

Either way, count me in. There are few things in life that are better than ‘someone else’s wedding’. You eat other people’s food, drink their booze, dance on their furniture, and then have sex in their bed. It’s like being a gigolo. Or a babysitter. Or that plumber I called last week.

(That’s the last time I ask a gigolo to recommend a plumber. And my pipes are still squeaky. Which may or may not be a euphemism at this point. Whoo.)

Anyway, the only thing better than sex at someone else’s wedding is sex at your own. And not just because it’s the last sex you might ever have, either. Am I right? Back me up here, married men.

I remember at our wedding, the newly-named missus and I disappeared to our room for two and a half hours. Yeah. We weren’t having sex, though. No. She wanted to open wedding presents.

(I thought I could still get her, though. I slipped into the bathroom, stripped naked, and tied a red ribbon around my ‘package’. I slinked back into the room and said:

Honey, I’ve got a wedding present you can open.

She looked at me, tsked, and said:

Pfft. I’ve seen that. But I’ve never had a gravy boat before!

‘Til death do we part’, this goes on. Just peachy.)

So, that’s where I’ll be this Saturday afternoon — spending a half-hour in church, so’s I’m allowed to drink and eat and drink and dance and drink and collapse the night away. If somebody could wrap a religion around that, I might get back to church more often. That’s my kind of service, baby. Hallelujah.

Permalink  |  1 Comment



One Response to “Guinness at the Reception? What a Beautiful Ceremony!”

  1. LOL, yeah, but how often has she pulled out the gravy boat since she got it?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved