Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Elixir in the Rear

I spoke to my mother on the phone tonight. She mentioned that my uncle Doug has been having some minor health problems. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed medicine to help. In suppository form. Rectal suppository form. Yow.

Mom mentioned that uncle Doug’s been getting ‘gentle ribbing’ because of his new medicine. I’m no health care professional, but I’m thinking that if the suppository is touching his ribs, he’s probably crammed it in too far. I don’t care how ‘gentle’ it is; get some tongs and fish that thing out of there.

Mom thought that uncle Doug probably wouldn’t appreciate that very much. So she wrote it down for later, in case he ever pisses her off. I’m so glad I could help. That’s me — driving snarky wedges between family members for over thirty years.

“It can’t possibly be the first choice of delivery, for doctor or patient. I’m guessing the suppository system was probably invented by a doctor with a particularly troublesome patient.”

It got me thinking, though. Administering medicine via the poo cave — that’s a medical term there, ‘poo cave’ — seems an awfully strange way to get your health back. It can’t possibly be the first choice of delivery, for doctor or patient. I’m guessing the suppository system was probably invented by a doctor with a particularly troublesome patient. Like so:

Doctor: Okay, Mr. Jones. Here’s your prescription for the pills you need.

Patient: Pills? Oh, doc, I can’t take pills. They’re too chalky.

Doctor: I see. Well, it’s also available in a syrup. I can write you–

Patient: Um, no. Those syrups taste nasty and spill everywhere. No syrups.

Doctor: Hrm. Well, let’s see. There’s also a salve.

Patient: Too greasy.

Doctor: A paste?

Patient: Too sticky.

Doctor: Intravenous delivery?

Patient: Afraid of needles.

Doctor: Inhaler?

Patient: Makes me sneeze.

Doctor: Dissolvable powder?

Patient: Too powdery. Also, I don’t like the word ‘dissolvable’.

Doctor: I see, I see. Well, here’s an idea, Mr. Jones — why don’t you take your medicine, and shove it right up your ass?

Patient: Hmm. Will MediCare cover it?

Doctor: Sure, why not?

Patient: Okay, you’re on.

And thus, the ‘pooper pill’ was born. At least, that’s the way I assume it happened. And probably, that’s more or less how it went down with uncle Doug’s doctor visit, too. Sure, the guy is family, but sometimes he’s just a big pain in the ass.

Which is why he ended up with those suppositories, I suppose. It all makes sense, once you get to the bottom of things. Heh.

Permalink  |  3 Comments



3 Responses to “Elixir in the Rear”

  1. Elisson says:

    ‘Ass nice. ‘Ass very nice.

  2. Dead Robot says:

    It was gently ribbed for his pleasure.

  3. Roofie Raccoon says:

    Is there some kind of suppository other than rectal? Are people shoving pills in their ear holes?

    This one was enjoyable as always.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved