Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

79

#79. I have never been to a funeral, nor seen a dead person.

To be fair, I’ve been very close to both. I was just a couple of years old when my dad’s father died, and still young

enough when my grandmother died to beg out of seeing her in the casket. I did get dressed up, and I did go to the mortuary, but I stayed in the car and parking lot. I never made it inside; I had enough nightmares already at that age about Frankenstein and killer bees without adding dead people to the list. Have I mentioned that I was easily spooked as a child?

Anyway, I came close to death one other time. (Well, only once if you don’t count all the times my parents say that I almost gave them a heart attack. But that’s bullshit. Now you know where I get my easily-spookedness from.) But the one time I really brushed past Death was in Pittsburgh. My buddy and I were walking out of a bar. Okay, okay, we were stumbling out of a bar, and then only because it was closing. Happy now?

In any case, as we hit the street, we heard two loud noises. *pop* *pop* We didn’t think much of it at the time — we were right on Pitt’s campus, so we’d learned to tune out screams and booms and shrieks after a while. And loud pops, too, apparently. But as we reached the end of the block on our way home, we saw a guy huddled on the sidewalk. By that time — given the hubbub that was swelling around us — we had figured out that what we heard might have been gunshots. We figured the guy in front of us was just crouching behind a car, in case there was more action.

When we got closer, though, we realized that he wasn’t crouched, so much as slumped awkwardly against the car. Oh, and that we was resting in a pool of blood. Yes, that was an important clue, certainly. The cops got there as we walked past, and hurried us along. The ambulance arrived a couple of minutes later, and the EMTs started working on the guy as we watched. So it seems he wasn’t quite dead. Which was good, of course. For one thing, I really liked that bar. (Yeah, yeah, plus the guy didn’t die. Hey, for all I know, he deserved it.)

Anyway, I can’t really comment on his survival, becuase we didn’t stick around long enough to see what happened. Oh, my friend wanted to. He’d have taken Polaroids if he’d had a camera. Me, I’m not really the ‘morbidly curious’ type.

(I’m thinking one day of trying out ‘morbidly obese’, or ‘morbidly droll’, on a Vincent Price kick, but ‘morbidly curious’? Nah. Too creepy.)

So we stayed for a couple of minutes and milled around with the crowd. I remember leaving just around the time this enormous black guy said,

‘Oh, a black dude got shot, huh? I bet it was a cop that did it. A white cop! Man, I oughta make somebody pay for what they’ve done. I’m gonna kick me some honky ass!

Not that he had anything to do with us leaving. Of course not. Just pure coincidence. It’s funny what sticks in your mind as you grab your friend my the shirt collar and run screaming away from a possible homocide scene. Really. You’d be surprised.

Permalink  |  No Comments



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved