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65

Charlie’s “100 Things Posts About Me”

#65. I once peed on the exact geographical center of the state of Kentucky.

Okay, I should probably explain a few of the words in that sentence, because I’m using some of them in ways that you might not be used to.

For instance, when I say ‘I‘, what I really mean is ‘several of us‘. It was a group thing, and there were maybe three or four of us guys involved. We didn’t go at exactly the same time, though. That’s crazy talk. We each took our turn, while the others stood guard. We watched Ghostbusters, after all. You can’t risk crossing the streams.

Also, when I say ‘peed‘, I mean really peed. There was alcohol involved, and walking, and I really, really, really had to go. And so I went, and went, and went. I must’ve dropped three pounds of recycled beer on that spot. I can still remember the ‘Ahhhhhh‘ that followed. Priceless.

Oh, and when I say ‘exact geographical center‘, I mean that, too. Our college campus was built on the officially-surveyed precise center of the state, and there was a small marker, maybe two inches square, to mark the exact location. Now, I’m not gonna sit here and claim that every single drop coming out of me landed on the marker. But I got pretty good coverage, and I pissed more on it than I pissed around it. Before you allow for splashage, at least.

Further, when I say ‘once‘, what I really mean is ‘several dozen times‘. Like I said, it was right on campus, and on the way from the boys’ dorms to the girls’ dorms. There were a lot of moonless or cloudy nights when several of us guys, beery and bleary, made the stumble in one direction or the other. And when you gotta go, you gotta go. Besides, pissing on an official marker of anything could never get old. That’s pure entertainment, in any language.

Oh, yeah, one more thing. When I say ‘state‘, what I’m really saying is ‘flea-ridden hellbag‘. Though the locals would prefer I meant ‘Commonwealth‘, instead. That is all. Anything left that you don’t understand is now officially your own damned problem.