Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

12

#12. My wife and I have been together for twelve years.

Actually, it’s closer to thirteen at this point, but who’s counting? (Well, okay, me, apparently. Hush up now.)

I’m not sure what else to tell you, except that the voodoo spell apparently hasn’t worn off, and that’s why she’s still with me. (Thank you, Haitian mail-order catalog!) We met way back in college, which seems like a lifetime ago. We’ve been together through five moves, eleven jobs, and several dozen adventures. We’ve been to New Orleans, San Francisco, Montreal, Toronto, Chicago, New York City, Saint Louis, and Paris, France. And of course, Boston, Pittsburgh, and the seedy underbelly of humanity that is rural central Kentucky. And we’ve never had a fight.

Oh, we’ve had misunderstandings. And we’ve had annoyances, and the occasional snippiness. Certainly, I’ve been in the wrong, more than once. Forgetful, lazy, distracted, and inconsiderate, despite my best intentions. And she may have even been unreasonable, or hassled me undeservedly somewhere along the way. Once. Maybe twice, but I usually deserve what she dishes, and a whole lot more.

But in all this time, we’ve never had a fight. A knock-down, drag-out, hair-pulling ‘he said, she said’ kind of spat. One of those things that starts over something stupid and escalates into name-calling and finger-pointing and ‘boy, did your mother do a number on you‘-saying. (Though it’s true for both of us, of course. We just don’t bring it up very often.)

So, one of two things is going on. Either we’re beautifully matched, highly reasonable people who like to avoid confrontation and settle things rationally. The kind of folks who sit on their hotheaded feelings until they can find the root of the problem, and then discuss the issue logically and calmly, reaching a satisfactory conclusion without raising our voices or boiling over in misplaced anger. In other words, two well-adjusted, cool-tempered lovebirds who adore each other and take every opportunity to smooth the way for a rich, fulfilling life together. Romeo and Juliet without all the killing and crap.

Of course, we might be just really good at glossing over our little differences and annoyances, filing them away in the back of our minds until they become uncontrollable, seething balls of rage that will one day erupt with explosive violent force. And one day we’ll end up bellowing and shrieking at each other in the kitchen, or the bedroom, foaming at the mouth and chittering in high-pitched chimpanzee gibberish, gnashing our teeth and rending our clothes in pain and fury. Maybe we’ll shove and push and claw, using every word in the book and inventing many, many more in an insane blind rage built from twelve-plus years of forgetting to bring an ID, or leaving the toilet seat up. We’ll probably go at it for hours, in an angry inferno of pent-up frustration and guilt and fear, until we collapse in an exhausted heap on the floor, still bapping at each other’s cheeks with rubbery-armed hands. It’ll be unlike any fight ever had on the history of the planet. A lovers’ spat to end all others.

And then we’ll sleep it off, and never speak of it again. Until it happens again in another thirteen years, or fifteen, or however long these things take to bubble over.

So, either way, the next dozen years or so are gonna be pretty fucking cool. It’s just a matter of whether we have that big blip in the middle or not. My guess is ‘not’, but you’ll have to ask my wife what she thinks of the whole thing. She may have other ideas. Maybe I’ll just start leaving the toilet seat up, and get the damned thing over with. It might be worth it, just for the makeup sex. Woo hoo!

Permalink  |  No Comments



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved