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« She Likes Me! She Really Likes Me! | Main | The Next Day of the Rest of My Life?!? »

The First Day of the Rest of My Life?

Hey, if at least ten people read this, I get to count it as community service!

Welcome back, folks. I'm afraid (and you're probably happy) that I won't have time to get too worked up tonight. This laid-off thing isn't apparently all that it's cracked up to be, at least not yet. See, even with my out-of-work, will-genuflect-for-food status, I still have to get up and be shaven and presentable at 9am tomorrow morning.

(Actually, the 'still' isn't even really appropriate; I generally rolled into my last job at around 10:30 or so, so this is pretty much new territory for me. Or at least really, really crappy old and forgotten territory from my days in school. Either way, this territory sucks ass.)

Anyway, tomorrow is the first half of a two-day seminar offered by an outplacement service that was hired by my old company to deal with those of us who've been herded off the ranch. I think it's officially titled, 'Why Your Resume Blows Donkeys and You'll Never Get Another Job Again'. I'm crossing my fingers that the subtitle is then, 'Without Our Help', and that they fix all that ails me and show me how to get that beer-tasting gig I've always dreamed of. But I'm not holding my breath.

So we'll see how it goes, but I can't expect to stay up until my customary wee hours, and then be able to focus in the morning on actual words spoken in my direction. Or to keep myself from drooling all over the front of my shirt, for that matter, or to even put my pants on facing the right direction.

(I may have mentioned that early morning -- meaning anything before about eleven -- is not my best time of day. If not, then consider it mentioned. Don't make me mention it again.)

It's all I can manage to keep my tongue from lolling out of the side of my mouth at nine, so we'll see what happens over the next two days. And after that, assuming that the employers won't (yet!) be lining up outside my door to kiss my ring and sign me up, I'll go back to my newfound state of 'temporary retirement'.

With that in mind, I'll tell you a little about my first day sans job, and you can decide for yourself who's life you'd rather be leading. Please, don't all of you get jealous at once, folks. Form a single-file line, or I'll have to send you out and start over again. Thank you.


So that's it, folks. Life as an unemployed software engineer / smartass punk isn't pretty, but it's mine, all mine. Just wait until this seminar's over, and I can stop shaving, and -- you know -- wearing pants and all. Then we'll have some fun, eh, kiddies? Until then, wish me luck!

(And somebody, for the love of all that is sacred, please bring me some Guinness! I'm beggin' ya!)





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