Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes
Site Search:

« Move Over, Brawny, There's a New Towel in Town -- Now with Wings! | Main | Hey, Why Does the New Office Smell Like Asparagus? »

It Feels Like a Firing... But Without All the Shame and Crying!

Today was a little bit surreal.

(No, no, I mean a little bit more surreal than usual. I know what you're thinking -- based on the shit shoveled around here, you probably think my daily life is something out of a Dali painting. And it's not quite that bad... but yeah, it gets a little weird. Not quite 'melting clocks' weird, or 'stilty-legged elephant' weird, but not normal, that's for sure.)

Anyway, today I packed up my desk at work. I'm not quitting, or fired, or anything drastic like that -- believe me, if you've seen my standup, you know I'm not in a position to 'quit my day job'. Or hell, even my writing job -- and that doesn't come with a paycheck! Oh, and just for the record -- you're soaking in it, right now. Lap it up, there, puppies.

So, the thing is, I'm moving to a new spot. New office, new officemate, new building -- the whole thing. And it was odd packing up -- all the books, and the papers, and CDs and notes, and pens... ooh, and the office supplies! Man, those moving boxes leave a lot of room for Post-Its and notebooks and staplers and such. That made it feel like leaving for good, too -- stealing all the supplies that I could stuff into my boxes. But hell, who knows where the office supplies will be in the new building -- or if they'll even have any. Maybe the new space is in Amish country, or something, where they don't believe in self-adhesive writing pads. A guy's got to look out for himself, right? And now, I could paper my walls in nine colors of sticky pads. Sweet.

Of course, it wasn't quite like quitting or being fired today. Sure, I cleaned out my desk -- and the supply closet -- and went home early to start drinking. But there was none of the random 'You'll be sorry!' screaming in the hallways, or waggling my privates at the boss on the way out, or peeing in the coffee pot in the office kitchen as a 'goodbye present'.

(Okay, so there was a little bit of weenie-waggling in the boss' office. But she was already gone for the day, so it's cool. I was just getting in a little practice, for when they do eventually shitcan me. Man, I sure hope her videoconferencing cam was off today, though. Yow.)

So, tomorrow I start work in a new office. My computer will be there, and my books, and all of my fabulous new office supplies. It'll be a fresh start -- maybe I'll get more accomplished, and be more productive. Hell, I might even surf for less porn on my lunch break -- anything's possible, right? I just hope they don't move the coffee maker from the old office. We had a couple of layoffs a few weeks ago, and that coffee hasn't tasted right since. Maybe sometimes change is good, after all.

Permalink | Comments (6)


Don't forget to christen the new office in some weird, twisted, entertaining way you can post about! Can't wait to hear it!

I agree with Wildcat. An office isn't an office without a proper christening - one that involves at least one of the following:

1) fire
2) a sickly-sweet odor
3) strange, muffled noises coming from an urn
4) chanting in a foreign language
5) unidentified reddish-brown stains on the desk
6) a tribal dance

or possibly all of the above.

Okay, now your commenters are getting even more sick and twisted than you are. (And GWB just said "newk-yuh-ler" on the TV for the third time tonight. I need two aspirin and a huge amount of hard liquor.)

So, um....are you shocked at all that I read "melting clocks" as "melting cocks"? Which I'm sure is a little known Dali piece...

I, for one, am just wicked impressed that, not only did you reference Dali in a post, but that you know two separate works of his! He's probably my favorite modern painter, which for some reason drives some of my art teachers crazy...

Especially if it involves better tasting coffay!

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks

Me on Apartments:
  Author Page

Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (70)
A Doofus Is Me (203)
Articles 'n' Zines (74)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (176)
Bits About Blogging (168)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (60)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (267)
Foodstuff Fluff (116)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (88)
Just Life (238)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (59)
Marketing Weenies (66)
Married and a Moron (185)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (101)
Tales from the Stage (74)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (81)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (134)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (71)
Whither the Weather (40)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (49)
Wide World o' Sports (124)
Work, Work, Work (206)

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass



Blogging Fusion Blog Directory


Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs


Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved