Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
Site Search:
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

« Primo Prime-Time Programming | Main | My Medicated Mutt »

Vacations Are a Snap!

(Sorry I missed you yesterday -- but what would a holiday weekend be without some slacking off, eh? And speaking of slacking off...)

In a few days, the missus and I will be taking a week's vacation. It's our tenth wedding anniversary, and we're celebrating with a jaunt to Mexico. We're staying in one of those all-inclusive dealies where our biggest concern should be whether the pool boy has chilled our watered-down mai tais to the appropriate temperature.

Technically, I suppose that's not true. We're going to Meh-hi-co, so we should probably also worry about drinking the water, surviving the hot sauce, soothing our inevitable sunburns, and eating the worm. But I'm sure we'll be too busy slouching and lounging around to bother with any of that.

"I couldn't tell you what I had for breakfast today or what color underwear I put on this morning. For all I know, I ate my underwear for breakfast."

One nagging concern, though, is the issue of the language. Between my wife and I, we've had exactly two semesters of public high school-level Espanol. And I had them both, so what are the chances I remember a damned thing past 'hola' and 'cerveza'? Slim and nada, those are the chances. I couldn't tell you what I had for breakfast today or what color underwear I put on this morning. For all I know, I ate my underwear for breakfast. And I'm supposed to translate to la policia when we get dumped in a pueblo pokey on a charge of 'publico intoxicado'? Gringo, please.

We should be fine at the resort. It's all-inclusive -- and haughty finger-snapping for service is the same in any language, right?

(For the record, I don't do that. The finger snap is awfully rude, and we ugly Americans have enough to answer for in terms of international manners as it is.

Could I really travel to another country and be that arrogant, when the guy next to me from Omaha is complaining that he didn't get any ketchup for his 'chimmeychanger'? No. I don't see how I could.)

It's nice to have expenses taken care of up front, though. We've had one other vacation like that -- our honeymoon, ten years ago next week -- and it was simply fantastic. No schedules, no pressures, food and booze whenever you need it -- if this is how the other half are living, then sign me up. Just tell me which bank to rob, or what I need to embezzle from whom. I'm all over it.

Actually, I have an idea that would let everyone enjoy a week in paradise. I say we let anyone who's interested sign up to stay at the swanky resort of their choice for seven sun-splashed days and seven fun-filled nights. We all deserve a break, and what better way than to spend a week berating the concierge and waitstaff about the lack of towels by the pool and the sorry state of the in-room minibar? Sounds heavenly.

There's a catch, of course. There's always a catch, only this time it's not a nine-hour timeshare seminar for the latest Cancun highrise. Instead, the guests who just pampered their pasty poopers for a week would simply sign on as staff for the next week. So, the haughy have become the hotel maids. The butled become the butlers.

(Except for me, of course. Having the idea in the first place does have its priveleges.)

In fact, the guests would simply change places with the staff. They're all there on two weeks' holiday -- one group relaxes first, while the other serves. Halfway through, they swap. That ought to keep the finger-snapping to a minimum, when you know your ass belongs to that waiter, come Sunday. Just a thought.

Luckily for us, we're only staying for a week, so unless we blow all our travelers' checks on slot machines and salsa massages while we're there, we probably won't be signing on as waitstaff for the place. The rest of you gringos will have to find someone else to snap your fingers at.





Permalink | Comments (1)






Comments

I would actually go for that! That's not a bad idea. I'm very jealous for you guys and hope you have a grand time!

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks


Me on Apartments:
  Author Page


Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (70)
A Doofus Is Me (203)
Articles 'n' Zines (74)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (176)
Bits About Blogging (168)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (60)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (267)
Foodstuff Fluff (116)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (88)
Just Life (238)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (59)
Marketing Weenies (66)
Married and a Moron (185)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (101)
Tales from the Stage (74)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (81)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (134)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (71)
Whither the Weather (40)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (49)
Wide World o' Sports (124)
Work, Work, Work (206)

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved