Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA

All Quotes
Site Search:

« Nothing to See Here, Folks | Main | Don't You Just Love Teasers, Folks? »

When I Say 'Made It Big', I Mean BIG

Well, folks, it seems that I've finally made it big.

Yes, that's right. See, the hits, and comments, and being listed in various directories -- all of that is nice, but it's really no indication that I'm making an impact. A difference. It doesn't prove that the world has sat up and finally paid attention.

But now -- now! -- I can see that I've arrived. I've crossed the threshold into true significance, all of the things that my parents and teachers and various law enforcement officers have said to the contrary be damned. I've made it, dammit, and it feels good.

Wanna know how I know? What indicator I was able to use to determine that I'm know one of the glitterati, if only in my own mind? Well, it's simple, really:

Random douchebags have started trying to peddle pills via comments in my archives.

O, frabjous day! I'll walk with a bouncier step and a chin held higher from now on, because somewhere, out there, some chowderheaded assmagnet believes that leaving comments on my site might just bring him a few extra orders for those penis pills he's peddling. I only wish I'd prepared a speech. *sniff*

Now, so far, it's only one rimjob sprinkling his pharmashiticals in my comments.

(Did that all run together? Sorry about that. Try this: pharma-shit-icals. See, when you sound it out, it just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?)

Anyway, there's only one wankmonkey at the moment, but more will come. Oh, yes -- they most definitely will come. And soon, it'll be an intolerable nuisance, and I'll curse the day that each and every one of their mothers lured their milkmen into their kitchens and did the 'two percent hokey pokey' on their kitchen tables. But for now, when I can easily delete the offending drivel with a simple click before anyone else see it, it's actually not so bad. A little flattering, even.

(Now, don't you wish you could ashcan 'offending drivel' at the push of a mouse button? Yeah, not me. This site would be pretty fricking barren if you people had access to the button. Maybe there's a post or two about my dog that'd slip through, but that's about it. These pill-pushing peenie-boppers would have no archives left to post in, that's for damned sure.)

Anyway, finding (and deleting) that cluetard's comments really made my day, and so I wanted to share it with you. And please, if these diddledicks get bolder and start leaving their slime on more recent posts, don't click on their links. We don't want to encourage the motherhumpin' little bastards, now, do we? And if it gets to be a problem, I'll implement a blacklist or a filter of some kind, and shut 'em out as best I can.

In the meantime, though, if you should happen upon one of their comments, just smile a little smile for me, and give me a thumbs-up through your monitor. Those crappy ads may be underhanded, and misleading, and annoying as hell, but each time I zap one of the things into electronic oblivion, the air is charged with the sweet, sweet smell of success. Ahhh. Like a mountain spring, it is.

Permalink | Comments (5)


I don't mean to insult your intelligence by suggesting this, but this MT plugin:

has been very effective at blocking those comments for me.

you lucky bastard.

Ahhhh...!! Thank you! I've been looking for some imaginative new insults for my colleague at work. We peddle insults all day, but I got stuck on "spunkmuncher". So I'm very grateful for "wankmonkey", "chowderheaded assmagnet", but "diddledick" has made my day!

"pill-pushing peenie-boppers" happens to be my favorite of the day.

er,,what does it mean when I get those ads in my email? Does it mean I'm a cross dresser or something and don't know it?

mt-blacklist is teh rad. it doesn't stop em all, but it stops enough.

Post a comment

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Me on Science:
  Secondhand SCIENCE

Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon

Me on Baseball:
  Bugs & Cranks

Me on Apartments:
  Author Page

Three Wee Tweets:
Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
Unlikely Explanations

Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers (70)
A Doofus Is Me (203)
Articles 'n' Zines (74)
Audience Participation (35)
Awkward Conversations (176)
Bits About Blogging (168)
Bitter Old Man Rants (50)
Blasts from My Past (78)
Cars 'n' Drivers (60)
Dog Drivel (78)
Eek!Cards (267)
Foodstuff Fluff (116)
Fun with Words! (71)
Googlicious! (27)
Grooming Gaffes (88)
Just Life (238)
Loopy Lists (33)
Making Fun of Jerks (59)
Marketing Weenies (66)
Married and a Moron (185)
Miscellaneous Nonsense (62)
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig (84)
Sleep, and Lack Thereof (34)
TV & Movies & Games, O My! (101)
Tales from the Stage (74)
Tasty Beverages (29)
The Happy Homeowner (81)
Vacations 'n' Holidays (134)
Weird for the Sake of Weird (71)
Whither the Weather (40)
Wicked Pissah Bahstan (49)
Wide World o' Sports (124)
Work, Work, Work (206)

Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass



Blogging Fusion Blog Directory


Listed on BlogShares

Top Blogs


Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner


RSS 2.0
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved