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Zolton's Facebook Pranks on Proposition 37

I originally wrote this piece for, for use on the late, great comedy site Text and images published here with permission.

Lost in the wake of the re-election of the blue Rock-em Sock-em Political Robot over the red Rock-em Sock-em Political Robot last week was another, more interesting result: the defeat of Proposition 37 by voters in California.

Proposition 37, if passed, would have forced food companies using genetically-modified organisms (GMOs) in their products to include labels stating that fact -- presumably some cross between a nuclear radiation warning label and a Mr. Yuk poison sticker. The supporters of Prop 37 say that GMOs are scary, unnatural, dangerous and unpredictable.

Yeah? Well, so's the Incredible freaking Hulk, but you don't see people bitching about eating him out of a can.

Me, I'm all for GMOs -- and the more M'ed the G's in the O's, the better. Nature's not perfect; if we want a juicier orange, or spinach that tastes like saltwater taffy, or persimmons that glow in the dark, then we're damned well going to have to do it ourselves. Who else is going to play god with our food? The chimps? The dolphins? Orangutans? Puh-lease.

In the wake of Prop 37's defeat, I reached out to some of its top supporters, to see if they'd finally come around on this issue. Nothing major. No forty-foot-tall cornstalks or nougat-infused broccoli or tomacco juice for all the kiddies -- YET. I simply suggested that they might consider keeping up with the Franken-Joneses, with each post starting thusly:

Would anyone take my advice? Read on for my suggestions -- and my actual Facebook posts on the companies' walls -- to see if I convinced any of these organic granola crunchers to "Go GMO".

The world of tomorrow is out there, ya filthy fresh food hippies. Now hit the laboratory and engineer it into existence already. I'm hungry for some crimes against nature over here.

Nature's Path

The post:

Annie's Homegrown

The post:

Clif Bar

The post:

Organic Valley

The post:


The post:

Earthbound Farm

The post:

Amy's Kitchen

The post:

Brad's Raw Chips

The post:

Last week, Zolton raised a pint with Budweiser, Samuel Adams, Coors Light and Victory Beer. Want to join in the prank? Click the links to see each real-life Facebook post, and comment or 'Like' them to generate more buzz. Or visit Zolton's own Facebook page!

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