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Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA
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Folks, I don't know quite how to tell you this. Let's try it in stages:
First, the good news. I did, as expected, receive my twenty thousandth visitor to the blog this morning.
Better still, the visitor was not some pimply teenaged boy searching for animated Pammy porn. (Which I don't actually have -- are you hearing me, Pete?)
(However, if you're interested, you can read about my earlier experience with waves of huffy horndogs lusting after cartoon boobage.
I thought the saga was over, frankly, but my mention of a certain boobly blonde minx yesterday has driven droves more of them over here. I really should be more careful what I put in my posts, I suppose. I wouldn't mind the extra eyeballs; it's just the other body parts they bring along that I take issue with. I've had to put plastic down on all the flat surfaces -- it's out of fricking control!)
Anyway, back to the matter at hand.
(Heh. 'At hand', see, 'cause that could still be the wankers looking for the porn? Get it? 'At hand'?
Oh, screw it -- I'm tired. Make your own goddamn double entendres for a while, then. I'm taking a break.)
So, back to the original point -- milestone visitor, check. Not from a search engine, check. Actually, the visit seemed to come from a bookmark of some kind -- there was no referer that I could use to track who the person was. All I had was an IP address.
So, on a lark, I swept back through the comments that have been left here over the past few weeks, thinking that maybe the person had been here before, and had perhaps commented on something. And, as it turns out, she had, and she had. Finally, I had a name to put with the IP address -- I knew the identity of lucky number twenty thousand. And what's more, she's even got a blog of her own. Yes, folks, our fantabulous winner is:
Sabrina of LoserGenius Just Can't Win
What's so unbelievable about that, you ask? (Or maybe you don't, if you're a regular around here and have a good memory for these sorts of things.)
Well, the kicker about Sabrina being my twenty thousandth visitor is, she was also my ten thousandth visitor, too! I don't know how the hell she does it!
Maybe she's got a tap on my SiteMeter stats. Maybe she checks in thirty-eight times an hour, and I just haven't picked up the pattern. Maybe she's got a lucky leprechaun stuffed up her butt. Honestly, I don't know. All I know is that history has repeated itself, and it couldn't have happened to a nicer girl.
Hey, she even started her blog after 'winning' the last little milestone contest, so in a way -- a wrongheaded and misguided way, I'm sure, but still a way -- I feel a bit responsible for helping to ease her into the blogosphere. So choke back that disappointment, if you were hoping that you would be my big number two oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! (Yeah, you Office Space fans'll get that one. That was my 'Oh!' face.)
Anyway, put those feelings aside and check out Sabrina at LoserGenius Just Can't Win. Sure, based on my experience with her, it should be called 'WinnerGenius Can't Frigging Lose, Apparently', but it's still a cool spot to hang out in. And maybe she'll even share what I'm getting her off her wishlist for being the lucky customer in the right place at the right time. Again.
As for the rest of you, I'm afraid you're gonna have to wait till fifty thousand visitors for your next shot at a prize. Of course, that doesn't mean that I won't be moved to generosity before then, somehow or other -- there's always the chance that someone will get me a writing gig, or a comedy audition, or email me naked pictures of themselves.
(Okay, that last option is only open to a select few, I'm afraid. Mark's out of the running. As is Scott. And Andy, and Matt, and nef, and Buzz. J's excluded, too, as are Jeff, Brad, and TJ. But not the other one, of course.
Anyway, I love you guys, really... but you're guys, so I don't love you quite that much. You'll just have to concentrate on helping me further my career if you want free swag from me. Stripping down to your skivvies is simply not gonna get it done. I hope you understand.)
Okay, so that's about it for this post. Once more, congratulations and thanks go to Sabrina. And now that this place has twenty thousand eyeballs under its belt, it's time to start working on the next twenty thousand. I certainly hope you'll all be on board. Cheers!
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Congrats on the 20 zillionth visitor! You truly are teh r0x0r.
(I have naked pics of one of the TJ's. Will swap for gratuitous pimping of my URL. It's all about that traffic, bay-bee.