I Could Thank You Properly... But My Wife Would Be Pissed [Where the Hell Was I?]

October 24, 2003

I Could Thank You Properly... But My Wife Would Be Pissed

So, I should apologize. I promised to thank you way back on Wednesday, and have neglected, until now, to live up to my word. Well, fear not, folks. The gratitude is a-comin'. Your patience shall not go unrewarded.

And frankly, as it turns out, I'm kind of glad that I waited. Because as of today, I've got even more people to thank, and just that much more love to spread around.

(I may need a towel before this is all over with. Eek.)

But on to the business at hand.

(And if you think 'at hand' is a half-euphemism in reference to needing a towel, then you're one sick puppy, man. Oh, sure, you're right, dammit, but you need some serious help. Maybe I'll see you in my therapy group someday.)

Anyway, the thanks. Like I mentioned earlier in the week, I want to send my very most warmest gratitude to all of you who've helped this humble site achieve the milestone of 5000 hits.

(No, wait -- that doesn't look impressive enough; I'll add in the comma.) 5,000 hits!

(Yeah, that's better.)

So, it doesn't matter that ninety-plus percent of these hits have been from clearly unrelated web searches, and people who -- through no fault of my own believe that I may have 'doctored' nude images of a certain boobly animated bimbo.

(Which I don't, of course. Not so far as you know, anyway.)

No, such trivialities are irrelevant. At least a couple of you have stopped by and actually enjoyed the experience. Or at least tolerated it, which is good enough for me. I'll settle for lukewarm indifference, if that's what's on the menu. I'm not picky, folks. But more impressively, a few of you have even returned, looking for another high from a freshly baked batch of hilarity.

(Or you've come back thinking, 'Shit, it couldn't be as bad as last time. Could it?' Again, doesn't matter. You're back. I'm happy. What the hell else is there?)

So, for all you folks -- and particularly those who've taken the time and effort to comment, or to throw a link in my direction -- I offer many thousands of thanks. If you were here, I'd kiss you. You know, unless you're a dude. The most I can offer you guys is a pat on the rear. And then only if we're playing football, or maybe softball, together. Yeah, matter of fact, why don't we just settle on a hearty handshake, all right? I love you guys, but really -- I don't know where your asses have been. Let's not go there, okay?

Like I said, though, today I've got a few other people to thank, and first on the list is my new bestest bloggy buddy, Buzz. Not only was he gracious enough to link to l'il ol' me, but he also wrote a nice note today suggesting that his crowd of readers check out the offerings over here.

And when I say 'crowd', I mean crowd.

(Okay, I thought of meaning 'horde', but that has such negative connotations. Don't want to annoy the new folks right off the bat, eh?)

Anyway, Buzz has a lot of friends, and many of them have stopped by today. So I want to especially thank Buzz. Go check out his site, folks.

(Unless you just came from there, of course. Then you don't have to. I'm not saying you can't go back. You're just not obligated. The rest of you should show the love, though. Chop chop.)

And thanks also go to the...um, Buzzites.

(Buzzers? Buzzards? Buzzy-Wuzzys? Somebody help me here.)

I hope you're enjoying yourselves here. Go ahead -- have a look around. Take your coat off and stay a while. The more madness, the merrier, I always say.

(Okay, actually, I don't. I just made that up. Sorry, thought I could slip that one past you. Won't happen again. Sorry.)

So. Thanks to all, and double- and triple-thanks to some. Cool. Now what?

Well, as long as I'm here, and without a topic to speak of, I might as well leave you with a couple of 'program notes'. A 'State of the Blog Address' sort of thing.

(Aw, c'mon -- you can sit through all the ass-kissing I did for you, but you can't deal with a little administrative bullshit? Have a heart, folks!)

All right, I'll keep it short. And I'll be back later with a real post.

(Yes, whether you like it or not. Tough noogies.)

So, first of all, I'll point you (yet again) towards the 100 ~~Things~~ Posts About Me. There's nearly as much crap... er, content there as on the main blog site. Plus, I spent several hours this week updating the template to match the funky blue dealie you're looking at now. So have a look. Links are on the left -- no lines, no waiting.

I guess the only other thing would be to mention my current 'gimmick'.

(See, with the subjects around here so dry and boring -- like phantom crotch vibrations and bomb threat nonsense and Zolton, Master of the Universe -- I've got to have a gimmick to keep me from getting bored. Pitiful, ain't it?)

Anyway, a couple of gimmicks have come and gone already. There was CRAP, which lasted about three weeks or so. And there were the daily taglines, which were fun for a couple of months. The current gimmick, devised after several seconds of careful consideration, is to work the current Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day into a post. No matter how ridiculous, or irrelevant, or off-topic.

(And frankly, the more off-topic, the better. Have you seen some of these topics? Frightening.)

So that's it. All I can really promise you is that I'll write some sort of goofy blather each and every day. And later this evening I'll return to my usual boobery self.

(Oh, man, of all the ways I get to be 'boobery', this is the one. Bitches! On the other hand, if I were 'boobery' in any other way, I'd probably never leave the house. And I'd run out of baby oil. How do you ladies cope, anyway?)

In the meantime, bask in your thankitude, folks. You've certainly earned it. And when the afterglow fades, go check out BuzzStuff. And then come back and click those links -- archives, 100 Things, 'Best of' links, whatever. Just make with the clicky-clicky. This crap's not gonna read itself, people.