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Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA
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Is there anything more pitiful than the look your dog gives you when you've just finished a sandwich without giving her any? Because if there is, I haven't seen it.
Honestly, you'd think she'd have been more disappointed with us when we had her spayed. Or neutered, whichever it is you do to girl pets.
(Which is to say, whichever it is you're supposed to do to girl pets. What you people actually do to your girl pets is between you and your veterinarians. I don't want to hear about it -- I barely sleep at night as it is.)
Anyway, that didn't seem to faze her. Sure, she spent the next couple of days sleeping it off, but I never saw that hurt, longing, disapproving look from her when we had her de-genderated. But scarf down a BLT without tossing her a crust, and she'll make you feel like you just dropped a tractor on her mother. I don't get it -- since when are ovaries less important than egg salad? Seems like a problem with priorities to me, but what the hell do I know? Right now, I don't have ovaries or a sandwich.
Hey, speaking of pitiful looks and sandwiches -- is that really Hootie shilling fast food on those Burger King commercials? Maybe it's not -- hell, maybe it's not even supposed to be; I'm not so good with my wussy-rock pop references -- but I'll be damned if it doesn't look like Hootie, parading around with a guitar and crooning about bacon cheddar ranch something-or-others.
(And by the way, is that thing the most ridiculously long-windedest-named damned sandwich, or what? The full name of the godforsaken thing is apparently the 'tender crisp bacon cheddar ranch sandwich'.
Who the hell makes a six-word sandwich and unleashes it on the public? Look, the Dagwood is three feet tall, and it barely needs six letters. And you don't see Boy George prancing around and singing about it, either. What was wrong with the 'Whopper', anyway?)
All right -- what the hell was I talking about, anyway? Sandwiches? Hootie? My dog's ovaries?
Eh, this seems like a good time to stop. Those three things can't be good in any combination. And it's probably best not to think too hard, trying to imagine a combo that is good. That's just creepy, folks.
You are correct Charlie, it is indeed Darius Rucker from Hootie and the Blowfish. And another "star/celebrity" making an appearance in that awful ad is none other than E!'s former Wild On host - Brooke Burke (she's on the swing at the end of the commercial.)
And while we're on the subject - I got the "sex sells" memo, but since when do black men dressed as "Liberace's version of a cowboy" sell?
OK, Charlie, I'm gonna call stalker alert. Or at least "imitation is the best flattery" alert. Not that I haven't lifted more than a few dozen phrases, words, concepts, and maybe more than a few wholesale blog entries from you but you must read mine about this subject and realize I just got a couple of days ahead of you on this.
http://www.grose.us/blog/blog.html#20050319
Either that or the blog world is on fire with obligatory Hootie/Burger King entries.
The bonus is that I just found online where you can watch the commercial (if you feel the need to ogle. Hi Vida!) but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out how to capture the .wmv.
i never see television and when i do and HOOTIE is singing for BK, i just turn it right back off....
and if you'd like your dog to tone down on the guilt/begging, put all treats only in her dish. she'll maybe learn not to look to you while you're eating. i had to do that cuz of the pools of drool HObbes makes...
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From what I understand, that is in fact Hootie. (I'm not that familiar with any of the Blowfish to know what they look like.) And they took a perfectly good song from 'Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou?' and turned it into that. I hear the sandwich is good, tho'...