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Zolton's Facebook Pranks on Underwear Companies

I originally wrote this piece for MediaShower.com, for use on the late, great comedy site ZuG.com. Text and images published here with permission.

The weather has turned brutally cold around here, leaving many of us able to cut glass with a number of nearly-frozen body parts. And if I learned anything about staying warm from The Empire Strikes Back, it's to slice open a tauntaun and climb in for a nap.

Sadly, I don't have any tauntauns handy. And the neighbor lady won't let me near her German shepherd, so I've got to warm up the next-best way: with layers. Short of renting a dead moose to sleep in or strapping a heating pad to your junk, layering up is the primo way to stay toasty warm in winter.

Of course, the first layer is the most important, and that means picking out the right kind of underpants. That was my task, and naturally I had questions. Lots and lots of questions. Luckily for me, all of the undies companies I considered have Facebook pages, so I dove in like a pair of tighty whities down a laundry chute.

Read on for more "unmentionables" mentioning -- and for my actual posts on the companies' Facebook walls. Hopefully, it'll help you put the right pair of panties in your wardrobe, too. And if you're wintering on Hoth, maybe buy a couple extra. It's cold out there, kid.

Fruit of the Loom

The post:

Hanes

The post:

Jockey

The post:

Spanx

The post:

Last week, Zolton stayed crunchy in milk with Frosted MiniWheats, Grape Nuts, Rice Krispies and Lucky Charms. Want to join in the prank? Click the links to see each real-life Facebook post, and comment or 'Like' them to generate more buzz. Or visit Zolton's own Facebook page!