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Zolton's Facebook Follies: The Final Prankdown

I originally wrote this piece for MediaShower.com, for use on the late, great comedy site ZuG.com. Text and images published here with permission.

This particular article was a part of the ZuG 'farewell week' before the site shut down on April 1, 2013 after eighteen years of yuks. It will be missed.

It's never easy losing someone you love. It's harder still when that someone is funny, kinky, takes both Viagra and breast enhancement pills, and is of legal age in most states. And also shows you her boobs occasionally. Or his.

Moving on.

Death is especially difficult when you see it coming. Sure, it's a shock when someone dies in a zeppelin crash or an industrial vibrator accident, but at least there's no dread beforehand. The doom that looms is harder to bear. And that's the case for our beloved ZuG.

Like a redshirted Enterprise crewman, the slutty girl in a horror flick or Taylor Swift's next crush, ZuG's fate is already sealed. We can't save ZuG; we can only try to cope with the void it will leave. As we progress through the five stages of comedic grief -- amusing, chuckleworthy, funny, hilarious and side-splitting -- just remember:

It's all Nutbutter's fault. Probably. I'm just saying.

Oh, and I pranked some Facebook companies, too. Because that's still a thing, apparently, at least for another four days.

Hallmark

The post:

Brooks Brothers

The post:

White Castle

The post:

1-800-Flowers

The post:

Eighteen years of yuks and all you rate is a "Fields of Europe" bouquet? I hope to shit you've got something better planned for the gravestone.

Goodnight, sweet ZuG. We hardly blew ye.

In the previous Facebook folly, Zolton made a spicy meat-a-ball with Ronzoni, Barilla, Bertolli and Buitoni. Want to join in the prank? Click the links to see each real-life Facebook post, and comment or 'Like' them to generate more buzz. Or visit Zolton's own Facebook page!