Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Where the Hell Is the ‘Order’?

On Thursday night, I got home around twelve thirty. So yes, technically I didn’t get home on Thursday night at all; I got home on Friday morning. Yes, you’re very clever. Now stop interrupting, Poindexter — I’m telling a story here.

When I arrived at home, I was pleasantly surprised to find my wife on the couch, still awake. Normally, she’s out cold by eleven thirty, on the couch, futon, or bed. By twelve, she’s usually drooling. And by twelve thirty, she’s often dreaming, and talking some sort of nonsense in her sleep. She hates that, because I get to tell her about it later. It’s the one time of day when she makes as little sense as I do. I dig that.

So, she was up, and watching Law and Order: CI. We watch a lot of Law and Order around the house — and honestly, who doesn’t? Not because it’s good, particularly. It’s just that there are fifteen different flavors now, and it’s on nineteen hours every day on thirty-six different stations. How the hell can you avoid it? What are we going to do — watch Friends reruns? I don’t think so.

I have this theory, though. I think my wife has a Pavlovian response to Law and Order. She makes it through the ‘law’ part okay, but ‘order’ is like a vatful of sleeping pills. As soon as the D.A.s step in, she zonks. I’ve always wondered whether she has horrible nightmares, because as far as she knows, none of the felons and murderers on those shows ever get brought to justice. That’s gotta suck.

(And yeah, her induced narcolepsy isn’t in response to food, so it’s not technically a Pavlovian response, strictly speaking. But it still involves drooling, so it counts. That’s my story, anyway.)

So, I was quite surprised to find her still conscious well after midnight. Just then, I looked at the screen and saw Vincent D’Onofrio and Chris Noth onscreen at once. So I asked:

Oh, is this that two-hour special where they have both CI teams on the case?

My wife gave me a pained, desperate look, barely able to lift her tuckered head off the couch cushion.

Is THAT why it’s taking so long?

Poor girl. She never realized it was a double episode, and had been lying there for an hour and a half, waiting for ‘law’ to give way to ‘order’, so she could get some sleep. A couple of minutes later, one of the D.A.s showed up, so she was off to dreamland, only an hour and change later than normal. Man, it must be a burden to be a slave to a trigger like that.

On a completely unrelated note, now that I’ve finished my post for the night, I’m tired and sleepy-eyed. Ring the bell, doc; I’m off to bed. G’night.

Permalink  |  3 Comments



3 Responses to “Where the Hell Is the ‘Order’?”

  1. RRaccoon says:

    That’s cute. I like your wife.

  2. they should have never stopped running the test pattern at night.

  3. Rachael says:

    I don’t usually comment, but I did want to say thanks for the link and that you have one of the funniest blogs I know of!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

HumorSource

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved