Original humor & comedy articles daily weblog

Man, This Year is Gonna Be Hard

Well. This is sort of a kick in the hoohah.

(Assuming I actually have a ‘hoohah’, of course. Different people use the term to refer to different anatomical features. In some systems, I don’t have a hoohah. In others, I might have a pair. And in some, I’m pretty sure I am a hoohah. Feel free to substitute your favorite male genital euphemism, if ‘hoohah’ doesn’t apply for you.)

Anyway, this is a big fist crammed up the wazoo. Um, so to speak, euphemistically. You know what I’m saying.

Look, the point is that this post officially begins the third year of this demented little weblog of mine… and I’ve got no topic. Nothing. No plan, no outline, no color-coded diagrams written on note cards and organized in one of those little metal boxes. Nothing at all. So, let’s see where this goes.

The wife and I are thinking about taking a long weekend in a couple of months. We thought we’d drive around, maybe take in a couple of baseball games, visit some friends — that sort of thing. And I’ve found, in trying to set up an itererary… that I just suck at geography.

Now, I sort of knew this already. I have a pretty good idea of where things are, once I’m familiar with a particular area — but places I’ve never seen before? No clue. Like Nicaragua, for instance. It sounds so exotic — Nicarrrrragua. They tell me it’s in Central America. Interesting. I always thought it was near… well, the clitoris, actually.

(Which would be just a short hop from Grundlevania, as most of you know. Of course, you can’t get directly from one to the other; you’d have to take a ‘puddle jumper’. But you knew that already. Or you just spewed coffee onto your monitor, one or the other.)

Anyhow, now I’m finding out how far Boston is from interesting places like Baltimore and Philadelphia. And those Rand-McNally bastards make it seem like not very far — just a couple of inches on the map — but it’ll still take hours to drive there. More hours than a baseball game, even. Now that’s far.

Should be a fun trip, though. And another chance to work on that ass indentation I’ve been cultivating in the driver’s seat in the car. A few hours behind the wheel ought to permanently cement that thing into a perfect heinie shape. Which is nice. Maybe now I can stop carrying the couch cushion out to the car when I want to take a trip. Hey, you can never be too comfortable.

At any rate, I think that’s all for tonight. I’ve got a presentation to give at work tomorrow — which should provide lots of self-deprecating material for you folks — so I’m going to get some shuteye. Can’t screw up my talk and get chewed out on anything less than a full nights’ sleep, now, can I? G’night, now.