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Honestly, My Money Was on ‘Leg Cooties’

So, thanks to everyone who asked about my ouchy leg earlier this week. Or who offered advice, or even just laughed about it. No, really. If you at least care enough to ridicule my pain, then at least we’re getting somewhere. And that’s progress. I might still leave a flaming bag of poop on your porch, but we’ve started a dialogue, at least. Baby steps, people.

Anyway, I saw the doctor yesterday, and he said he thinks it’s something called ‘sciatica’. But I didn’t quite hear when he said it — I thought he was telling me I’d caught something ‘like you get in Attica’. Which is weird, because I don’t remember sitting on any unwashed convicts recently. And I always put down that little sanitary toilet ring, any time I do have to sit on one. You can never be too careful; no telling where those things have been, you know.

But he didn’t say that, of course — he said ‘sciatica‘. Which, from what I gather, is leg pain, caused by back issues. Apparently, the back-bone is connected to the leg-bone. I never knew; I was never any good in anatomy class, frankly. Nor was I patient enough to get that far in the song. I usually tuned out around the ‘foot-bone connected to the ankle-bone’ verse. Maybe I should have paid more attention.

Anyway, the good news is that it seems pretty easy to treat. The doc gave me some exercises to try, and the leg feels better already. On the other hand, that might be because of the enormous bottle of oversized ibuprofen he gave me, too. Not only doesn’t my leg hurt, I haven’t been able to feel my forehead all day, either. I’m pretty sure I stapled my hand to the desk at work today — who knows, really? It’s all just a yummy, painless blur.

Meanwhile, I suppose it’s time to stop slouching — pretty much like my mother told me to do twenty years ago. Apparently, sitting up straight will relieve the strain, too.

(And for the record, no, I’m not really giving her credit on this point. For one thing, if I’d actually listened back then, think of all those years having fun slouching that I would’ve missed out on. And besides, she said lots of things; it’s just sheer luck that one of them turned out to be helpful. What, am I suddenly supposed to start eating green vegetables and looking both ways before I cross the street now? Poppycock.)

So, it turned out to be nothing so very interesting. So sorry for all of you who were hoping for a stress fracture, or gangrene, or maybe some sort of oozing femur rot. I’ll try to do better, next time I develop some mysterious painful ailment. For now, though, I’m limping off to enjoy the weekend. Happy Friday, everyone.