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A Lazy Charlie Is a Happy Charlie

Man, is there anything better than the Saturday of a long weekend? I haven’t done anything even remotely useful in the past two days, and I’ll be just as fricking useless tomorrow. Meanwhile, today I’m free to frolic unfettered, with my workaday worries still far, far away. It’s almost like being unemployed again, only without those pesky interviews and anxiety over repo men showing up at the door.

(Right. Like we have anything worth repossessing in the first place. Maybe the couches. And they might get a few bucks from someone for the dog, but that’s pretty much it. We really don’t have nice things, particularly — I’d just end up breaking them, if we did. I’m clumsy that way.)

Anyway, I’m having fun wallowing in my own unproductiveness. So far today, I’ve eaten, played video games, hung out with a few comics, had a few beers, watched some football, eaten again, and started this post. Somewhere in there, I’m pretty sure I took a shower. And I think I brushed my teeth, maybe. That’s about all I’ve accomplished today, and damn, it feels good. We need this three-days-on-four-days-off shit every week. I’m just sayin’.

Of course, all of this unabashed slothery is gonna catch up with me soon. Monday, in particular, ought to be a royal bitch in the ass. I’m hoping it’s okay to show up at noon. Unshaven. In my pajamas. And ideally, they’ll let me take a nice nap on my desk, grab some lunch, surf for porn for a while, and then slip home around three or so. Like a day as a Congressman or something. Neato.

In the meantime, I’m gonna go back to slacking off. There’s still football to watch, and food to eat — and I’ve got plenty to accomplish in the video games I’ve been playing. At least I can be virtually productive — I just have to live vicariously through digitally-rendered pampered athletes and ruthless space captains and bloodthirsty mercenaries. Again, a little bit like being a Congressman. Or a mental patient, take your pick. I’m not sure which is worse, frankly.

Anyway, until I’ve got the motivation to write again, you kiddies have a good time out there. Enjoy that weekend, people — soon enough, we’ll be back in the shit together, picka-pock-pecking our lives away in little cubicles and remembering the ‘good times’, when we stuffed our faces full of turkey and didn’t shave for four days. And if that’s not something to be thankful for, then I don’t know what the hell is. I’ll catch you later.