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You Won’t Even Miss Me

By the time you read this, I will be gone.

Not gone for good, mind you, so don’t start the celebration just yet. No need to dribble your forty-ouncer on the sidewalk on my account. I’ll only be gone for a few days.

As I mentioned a few days ago, the missus and I are vacationing in Meh-hi-co for a week, starting today. Starting, to be precise, at six in the fricking morning today, when the plane whisks us down the southern ass-crack of dawn to our destination. And if I have to be awake that early, there had damned well better be tequila or comfy pillows on that stupid plane. Preferably both.

So the wife and I will be well cared for at the sort of swanky all-inclusive resort that we’re able to afford every ten years. Like clockwork, every ten. Starting ten years ago, exactly. We really need to get out more.

“We may well be the least swankified couple in the joint. Maybe we can squeegee some extra swank off the rich folks, once we get there.”

(Also — not that swanky. We’re not accustomed to a lot of swank floating around, so we didn’t opt for the extra double-secret swank options. We may well be the least swankified couple in the joint. Maybe we can squeegee some extra swank off the rich folks, once we get there.)

But where does that leave you, stuck here in the workaday world of conference calls and crazy commutes and cockamamie corporate clutter?

Fear not, gentle reader. The lurch is no place to be left, and I certainly wouldn’t be the one to leave you there, had I any choice in the matter. Which, it turns out, I do. With this fancy new MT blogging software, I can postdate entries, and have them appear days — or weeks, or even years — after I actually wrote them. They’re little rib-tickling time bombs, and I can set them to go off any time. Including times when I’ll be miles away physically, and even further mentally, from the nearest wired-up keyboard. That’s pretty cool technology.

And by the way — you’re soaking in it.

That’s right, this is the first of several posts, features, and updates scheduled to *ping* into existence in my absence. What does the next week hold? You’ll just have to tune in — as usual — to find out.

(Unless the software goes down the toilet, in which case you’ll get a week’s worth of crap all at once when I get back. It’s not like this shit comes with a warranty, you know.)

So, if all goes well, you won’t even know that I’m gone. Except that I just told you, of course, and your short-term memory probably isn’t that bad.

(Although, just in case it is — you got that money you owe me? Come on, you remember? That time? When I paid for the thing?)

At any rate, if you’re reading this, then I’m either sleeping on a plane somewhere over the eastern seaboard, or I’ve already landed and found the margaritas at the swim-up bar. And if there isn’t a swim-up bar, then I’ve parked my Speedoed ass in a kiddie pool in front of the bar in the lobby. Meanwhile, enjoy the time-released nonsense coming your way the next few days. I’ll be back in a week. Adios, muchachos!