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Well, There’s a Quarter. Do You Care Yet?

It’s my blog. I’ll cry if I want to. You would cry too, if I blogged about you.

Today marks my three-month blogging anniversary. One whole quarter’s worth of blather, and another milestone to talk about.

(Yes, I’m well aware that I just wrote about finishing my ‘101 Things Posts About Me‘, and then my hundredth post, and now I’m already blogging about the blog again. Give me a break. What do you think, I’m made of topics here? Eighty-five posts in two weeks cuts into the old subject pile, you know.)

Anyway, I wrote my first post on June 16th, exactly three months ago. I wasn’t quite sure how things would turn out, or whether I’d still be writing now, but I think the first quarter has gone okay. I seem to have found my voice. Never mind that it alternates between the crackly wheeze of a dirty old man and the whiny whinny of a pre-teen girl — it’s my voice, dammit. And now that I’ve found it, I’m unleashing it on the world. Stand back!

So, to commemorate the occasion, I’ve updated my ‘Best Of’ links over on the right. I finally filled the entry list out to twenty, and added another twenty from the ‘101 Things’ posts. Anything to drag the eyeballs to the good stuff, you know. I’m here to help. Help me help you, would you?

In any case, thanks for reading. A couple of you have been here since the beginning, and I really appreciate that. It’s just that sort of love that makes the world go ’round. Some say love won’t pay the rent, but… well, I’ve never been a landlord myself, but I’ve got to believe that a little hootchie-cootchie with the man would at least buy you a few days to get some money together. That’s all I’m saying. Now what the hell was I talking about?

Anyway, woo hoo, first quarter!

I’ve been thinking of doing something to spice the old place up, but I’m not sure what would work well. Really, I should never be trusted to make my own judgements.

(That’s why I always order out when it’s my night to put dinner on the table. I’ve had too many culinary experiences go hurl-inducingly wrong. You know the ‘two great tastes that taste great together‘ theory? Well, apparently in the hands of a madman, it can’t be trusted. Like a chainsaw, or missle launcher, or a smarmy boy band.

Anyway, I apparently have no clue about food ‘pairings’. Pairings. Harrumph. You’d think edibles were sad, lonely teenagers — why do they need ‘pairing’, anyway? I say, if you like something, then eat it, and then eat something else you like. What’s all the fuss about? Why can’t I serve steak and ice cream, for instance, or broccoli in applesauce? Does it really matter if you eat them together, or ten minutes apart? C’mon — they’re all headed down the same chute in the end, right? Gimme a break.

It also seems that I’ve got a problem with substitutions. I’ll give you an example — a while back, I wanted to surprise my wife with some homemade fudge. Peanut butter fudge, to be specific. Fine. So, I found a recipe, and started mixing, and things were going just swimmingly. Until I discovered that we were out of peanut butter, that is. Bitches!

But I was past the point of no return. There were dirty bowls and measuring cups, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna dirty dishes and get nothing out of it. So, I improvised; I got as close as I possibly could, given the supplies I had to work with at the time. It was a perfectly reasonable decision, I think. Really.

Unfortunately, once I’d mixed the mayonnaise into the chocolate, I realized that it wasn’t quite as thick as real peanut butter. Close, but no Jiffy. So, I needed something to thicken the mix. And even in retrospect, I’m not sure that I could have done better than Crisco. I’m really not. It seemed like a good idea at the time, anyway, and the fudge mix actually looked just about right.

(Okay, a little more marshmallowy than I’d ideally like, but that’s pretty true of me, too, and I’m not giving up on that. So why would I call it quits on the fudge?)

Now, I’d like to be able to describe the series of faces that my wife made when she tasted the fudge. I’d also like to be able to tell you that I gave her some warning that all in the fudge pan may not have been as it seemed. I’d like to do those things, but good Lord and butter, I just can’t. I can’t tell you that I told her, because obviously I didn’t, or she’d have never dared to try the unholy mess I offered her. She’s a smart girl, that one, no matter who she ended up marrying.

And the faces… well, there were just too many, and too twisted and pained, for me to really be able to do them justice. Oh, and there was some rather spectacular projectile vomiting happening in the middle there, somewhere, too. I wouldn’t even know how to begin to tell you about that. Suffice to say that I know my wife had pizza and a salad for lunch and dinner that day, but I can’t really tell you in which order. Our kitchen wall still smells vaguely of grease and chocolate.)

I get the feeling I was talking about something else. But all that talk of mayo and peanut butter just makes me want a sandwich. Eh.

Oh, I remember. It’s how my judgement can’t be trusted. Right. So, I’m thinking of doing a little tinkering around here, but I’m not sure where to focus my energies. Here are a few of the things I have in mind to spruce up the old blog:

• A ‘window dressing’ redesign, possibly even moving to more ‘hands-on’ software than Blogger
• Another hideously long obscure project, like the ‘100 Things‘ posts. The best (read ‘only, but harebrained‘) idea I’ve had so far is an interactive ‘Day in the Life’ project in a ‘Choose Your Own Adventure‘ style
• An email option, to allow folks to get their daily dose of drivel in their mailbox, rather than here. I suppose I’d lose some hits that way, but it might be a fun way to spread the crap. Er, word. Spread the word. Ahem.

So, does any of that sound appetizing?

(More so than my extra-special mayo fudge, at least.)

Anything else you’d like to see? Anybody? Bueller? Just lemme know, and I’ll give it a shot, no matter how ridiculous. Hey, you’ve seen what I write. I’ve got very little pride left.

So, I guess that’s about it for this evening. Go check out the links on the right. Maybe you missed something good, who knows? Hell, if you’ve seen all that crap, go check out one of the blogs listed over there. Those people are saner than I am, and won’t take up nearly as much of your time. Except the ones that do, I suppose. A couple of them are just about as talky and random as I am. But they’ve been at it a lot longer, so at least you won’t have to hear about their ‘first quarter blogiversaries’. Who’d want to go through this again?