Really, Could the 'Twos' Get Any More Terrible?

June 17, 2005

Really, Could the ‘Twos’ Get Any More Terrible?

Folks, I’m going to try being serious tonight — or at least as serious as I can manage… which, frankly, isn’t all that fricking serious. I might take off the clown shoes, but I’ll still have the red nose and the Groucho Marx glasses on. It’s never really gonna be serious around here. Not while I’m in the driver’s seat.

So, that’s the bad news. Or maybe it’s good news, if you’re looking for something more sobering. I can’t tell you people what to read.

Anyway, I’ll do my best to be brief with the serious shit. Let’s face it; that not what any of us are here for. If it’s not a dick joke or some sort of animal sex innuendo, then chances are, you’re reading it somewhere else.

(And boy, is that going to make the hits from Google more interesting, once ‘animal sex innuendo’ gets indexed. I simply can’t wait to see what sorts of searches come oozing in after that. Peachy.)

All right. Enough chit-chat. Just because I’ve got nothing entertaining to say after the serious thing doesn’t mean that I should spend all frigging night stalling before I get to it. So, here goes:

Today, the seventeenth of June, 2005, marks the second-year anniversary of this humble bloogy effort of mine. You’re reading — nay, slogging through, at this point — the seven hundred and sixty-fifth post, which averages out to a little over a post per day. I honestly never thought things would last this long, or that I’d ever, in a million and two years, sling so many words onto the screen.

So, all I want to say tonight is: thank you.

Whether you’ve read all the posts — really, please tell me that no one out there is that demented — or this is your first introduction to my brand of drivel: thank you.

For the encouragement you’ve provided, through emails and comments — even when you had no business encouraging the nasty nonsense I was spewing: thank you.

And for sitting through the standup clips, with the same jokes delivered over and over and over — witnessed by a couple of you live and in person; you tortured souls know who you are — to you, I say thank you.

In short, thank you for reading. I hope you’ve found some entertainment within these pages — or at least hope you will, someday. We can all dream, can’t we? But rest assured that you’ve given me much, much more than I could ever return.

(Just don’t expect cash, or sexual favors, or anything like that. I mean, I’m appreciative, and all that shit. But not that kind of ‘appreciative’. You might get a hug, but that’s about it. And only if you’re hot. I’m just saying.)

Anyway, I just wanted to say ‘thanks’, and to blow out the candles on the blog’s second birthday cake. I can’t tell you what the next two years will bring… but you can be certain it’ll be fairly ridiculous. And rambling. And probably a little bit nasty. The term ‘douchebiscuit’ is likely to come up, at some point. There’s only one way to find out, folks — soon, we’ll rip the bubble wrap off of year number three. Stick around; it should be a hoot.