Okay, here’s one for the sports nuts among us. (Joe, you should like this one.)
I was in the shower a little while ago, and I had a thought.
(No, the shower isn’t the ‘sports’ part, all right? Maybe I do some sort of calisthenics in there, and maybe I don’t. That’s for me to know, and you to take pictures of if I ever run for public office.
And I don’t want to hear a word about ‘water sports’. That’s either a horrible pun or really gross. And if you’re not sure which, ask somebody. It’s probably both.)
All right, where the hell was I? Oh, my sports thought. Right.
So, I wondered, for reasons not completely clear to me, whether I could make a list of my ten most favorite sports teams, college and pro, in order of preference. That is, the ten teams (or people, I suppose, if we’re talking tennis, golf, or some other individual-type activity) that I cheer for the hardest, live and die with in every game, and would skip a free kegger to watch. Maybe even a clothes-optional free kegger. (Now that’s love, people.)
I haven’t tried to put that list together yet — ten teams is a lot, and ranking them is going to be tough after the first couple, I’m thinking. I’m thinking about it right now, with the three neurons I’m not using while writing this sentence.
(Bow before my multitasking prowess, mere mortals!
Oh. Oops, shit. Forgot to breathe. Never mind. Poopstain!)
Anyway, before setting my list in stone, I thought I’d raise the stakes a bit — while I’m at it, I’ll also make a list of my least favorite teams from the world of sports, from the vilest, cheatingest bunch of bastards down to the… well, the slightly less vile, only sometimes cheating bunch of bastards in tenth place. Somehow, I think it’ll be easier to find ten teams I loathe than ten teams I love. I’m sure that says something unpleasant about the way I live my life.
But no matter! The time for listmaking has come — behold, my lists of The Very Best That Sports Has to Offer and Hey, Hasn’t Anybody Indicted These Assholes Yet? Behold, I say:
|The Best||The Worst|
|#1||Syracuse University hoops
|New York Yankees
Nemesis of both my baseball teams
TBS was a childhood godsend
|Duke University hoops
Sure, it’s jealousy — I don’t care
|#3||Boston Red Sox
Fenway Park will do that to you
|Indiana University hoops
Since 1986, plus Bobby Knight
|#4||Syracuse University football
Long live the Big East
‘Michael Irvin, poster child’ says it all
I spent seven years there — it was inevitable
|Auburn University football
Three words — Pat ‘Tie’ Dye
|#6||New England Patriots
I’m not bandwagoning — I live here, dammit!
|University of Kentucky hoops
Suffered their fans for four years of college
|#7||Marhall University football
It’s a ‘family geography’ thing, okay?
|New York Mets
It’s almost sad… but I still hate ’em
I’m telling you; there was something in the water there
|San Francisco 49ers
Mainly historical, but TO keeps the fire burning
I came for ‘Nique; I stayed for… um, yeah. Next!
|Penn State University football
I went to Pitt for grad school. Nuff said.
|#10||University of Pittsburgh hoops
They can come in second in the NCAAs any time
Holdover from the Laimbeer era — hey, I ran out, okay?
So, there you have it — my top ten, and my bottom ten. So what’s yours? If you wanna play the ‘Two By Ten’ game, post your picks in the comments. Or better yet, post ’em on your site, and leave me a comment or a trackback. Let’s see who the sports fans are out there!
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