Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

My Random Thoughts, as Influenced By the Simpsons

Man, even the Simpsons is weird tonight. I just watched two episodes, and they both involved a nearly-naked Groundskeeper Willie slathered in grease. Coincidence?

Jesus Leafy Christ on a green riding lawnmower, I hope so.

Hmmm. Maybe I’ll try watching another one while I write, and see what happens.

Ooh, cool, this one’s about when Homer becomes a boxer. Sweet!

Now there’s a profession I’ve never considered taking up — boxing. Toad wrangler, sure. Braille cartoonist, yep. Professional Gummi Bear licker — well, yeah. Who hasn’t thought about such glamorous and fulfilling careers?

But boxing? Well, it’s just not my style, really. All that punching and bobbing and weaving and such, not to mention all the ‘husky’ guys wearing nothing but shiny boxers and lace-up boots. That’s not a fricking sport, people — that’s a gay bar during Mardi Gras.

(Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. The Mardi Gras thing, that is. There’s something seriously wrong with boxing. I think it has something to do with the spitbuckets.

Seriously, you can have guys running around in their underwear flailing at each other, or you can have open containers of saliva lying around. But fer chrissakes, you can’t have both. It’s just not natural!)

Anyway, back to boxing, and my non-participation therein. I’ve just never really seen the point of professional pugilism, I suppose. Not that sports that I do enjoy need to have a purpose, mind you. I’m perfectly happy watching a gaggle of grown men throwing and thwacking a little white ball around, and running in circles around the bases for no good reason. Hell, it’s our national pasttime — what’s not to like?

(And see? See? There’s a whole lot of spitting, but everybody keeps their damned clothes on. It’s one or the other, people. This is not fricking rocket science.)

So it doesn’t really bother me that there’s no real point to boxing, other than staying on your feet for two minutes at a time. I just think that promoters could do so much more with that same format — throw gin in those buckets instead of spit, for instance, and make the combatants drink a tubful between rounds. Then we’ll see who can stay on their feet, and we won’t need them to smack each other in the face to make it interesting, either. While they’re at it, maybe they can put on a damned shirt, and some sensible shoes.

(Who are they kidding with those boots, anyway? You’re not allowed to kick people in the ring. Could those really be more comfortable than a nice, worn-in pair of Reeboks? I don’t think so. And when you’ve got some welterweight walrus pummeling the shit out of you off and on for the better part of an hour, shouldn’t you at least make sure your feet are comfy? Really, that’s about all you’ll have left.)

I have to admit, though, that a few boxers have been worth watching over the years. Everyone loves Ali, of course; I also had a soft spot for Evander Holyfield. Maybe it was his style, or his presence. Maybe it was the ‘soft spots’ in his head; I don’t know. I just know that I really don’t often watch boxing matches, and can’t remember ever paying for the privilege.

That’s another thing I don’t get — why do the big, potentially interesting boxing bouts have to cost us sixty fricking bucks? And why does it keep going up, and who the hell keeps paying these fees? Stop encouraging these pay-per-view bastards, people! Lookit — yes, I just typed ‘lookit’; let it go, dammit — we get the World Series for free, right? NBA finals, Stanley Cup, Super Bowl — free, free, and free. So why is boxing so fricking special, and more importantly, how do I get my hands on some of that swag? Hell, I know plenty of people who’d be willing to strip down to their skivvies and slap and smack at each other — how come nobody’s paying to see that?

(Except that one guy, who wanted a refund when he found out the people in the ring weren’t gonna be small-nosed sorority girls. Pick, pick, pick.)

Well, that’s about all I’ve got tonight, folks. I’m not sure we really got anywhere, but I did get to say a few words about the ‘sweet science’. And now my third Simpsons is over. And hey, no nearly-naked greased-up Willies!

Or, um, none on the television, anyway. But I, uh, I’d better go. There’s this, um, thing I forgot to do. Yeah. A thing. Right. G’night, then!

Permalink  |  2 Comments



2 Responses to “My Random Thoughts, as Influenced By the Simpsons

  1. Veezer says:

    I actually saw Tyson fight live. I’m not a pugilist fan, but got free tickets. The undercards were fascinating. I had nosebleed seats, but again free. Finally, the ringer, and Tyson and his entree came out. Tyson downed him after the bell rang, but it was just a matter of time anyway. What an arm. Who cares about all the rest? Put him away, ok. Keep him out, whatever. It’s not like there’s worse on the loose (MJ!) It’s not like you expect our sports heroes to be saints (Cowboys, Bryant.)

  2. garybibb says:

    Anything with Groundskeeper Willie is funny. I think Willie could take tyson too.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved