But Will It Fit on a T-Shirt?

January 21, 2004

Don’t ask me how this happened. Don’t ask me why this happened. It just happened.

I’ve told you — the oddest random things pop themselves into my brain, like fingers poking into the Pillsbury Doughboy’s tummy.

(Actually, that’s an eerily apt analogy — for one thing, I can almost feel my brain squish together when it happens. More to the point, I almost always make that little ‘Hoo-hoo!‘ sound, too.

That’s why I try to keep my hands visible — and crotch-free — at all times in public. People hear you giggling like a moron and ‘Hoo-hoo!‘-ing during a bus ride or a business meeting, they think you’re having a diddle or something. And I’ve got enough troubles, without having that rumor hanging over my head, too.)

Anyway, the thought. For no reason that I’m aware of, a fully-formed sentence just occured to me. I don’t recall seeing ‘WWJD?’ anytime in the past few… I don’t know, days, maybe? Yet suddenly, I had an answer to the question: just what would Jesus do, anyway? And I think it’s my new personal motto:

‘Dude, Jesus would have never put his tongue in there in the first place.‘

I’m not even quite sure what it means, to tell you the truth. I just know that it needs to be merchandised, and I need to have it on a coffee mug, and a mousepad, and a Hanes Beefy T™. I may even get it tattooed somewhere — ooh, ooh, how about across my ass? Sort of in an ‘If you can read this, it is so true‘ kind of way? Oh, man. This is gonna be big!

(I can’t believe I’m actually going to post this one, folks. It just gets sillier and sillier around here. I think I’ll go have a beer and curl up in the fetal position for a while now. I’ll catch you later.)