A few days ago, I described my saga of replacing my TiVo box. It was a bit of an ordeal. I just wanted you to know — everything’s fine now. I’m okay.
At least, I was okay.
Once the box worked properly, I took some time to register my thumbs ups, my very disapproving thumbs downs, and scheduled recordings of the many dozens of animated Romanian lumberjack dramas that I can’t get enough of.
“I nearly suffered a thumb sprain keying in the Transylvania Wood marathon.”
It was quite an undertaking. I took a couple of days off work, gave up sleeping for a while. I nearly suffered a thumb sprain keying in the Transylvania Wood marathon. But finally, I got this new TiVo into the same approximate shape as the old one. Only with shinier new menus, and a slimmed-down svelte TiVo mascot guy. So everything was peachy.
At least, everything was peachy.
(Yes, I know it’s the same sentence. It’s the emphasis that makes the difference. Subtlety is practically my middle name.)
The point is, just when things seem nice and settled, there’s always a twist. In my case, the twist is this — when I set up my shows, this newfangled magic miracle machine found them on all the available channels. Including a couple I didn’t know about. And that includes something called “Ion Television”.
Now, I don’t know the first thing about this Ion channel. I’ve never seen it before, and I’m not particularly endorsing it. Here are the only salient facts:
1. They have a Psych marathon running tonight, which is — so far, since I’ve been watching — six-and-a-half episodes in.
2. I put Psych high on my list of shows to tape, so the TiVo’s been tuned in all evening. And late-night. And hurtling toward the wee hours of the morning.
3. Ion, apparently, doesn’t show commercials. Or at least, only one quick thirty-second number between episodes, and nothing between scenes. Nothing. No ads. Nada.
What does this mean? Taped or not, I can’t leave in the middle of a good show I like. And there are no transitions in this broadcast — i’s all middle. Even the movie channels run five minutes of crap previews between features, but not the Ion people. When one episode ends, there’s another in your face, immediately — BAM!
So? So I drank a big glass of water during the first episode. I’ve had to pee for six freaking hours. Thirty seconds isn’t enough time for that. Not any more, that’s for damn sure. I don’t even need a commercial break any more; I need the local news to break in with, like, some kind of prolonged car chase or something. This is torture.
At least, it was torture.
Finally, about ten minutes ago, I remembered the other important TiVo feature I don’t usually have to use: pause. I waited for what would have been a convenient break in the action, hit the pause button, and squirmed my way to the bathroom. Where I promptly let loose fourteen commercials’ worth of pee. And now I’m back on the couch, finishing up that episode. And sitting
So the new TiVo is a lot like the old TiVo. But still, I’m learning to watch TV all over again. Also, I’m still kind of a dork, apparently. Which is disappointing. I was kind of hoping to fast forward through that bit.Permalink | 1 Comment