Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

An Uneven Start to a Rocky Relationship

Some people call this a sling blog. But I calls it a Kaiser blog. Mmm-hmm.

This is going to be my most painful blog post ever.

(Well, at least for me. I can’t promise that it will hurt you more than some of the groaners that I’ve laid on you in the past. You’ll have to be the judge of that.)

Anyway, I’m eating a quick lunch now, but I just got finished raking three and a half tons of gravel over our parking area. And no, for once, I’m not exaggerating. Three and a half tons. Hence my pain, and current drippy sweatiness.

Now, I don’t know whether any of you have worked with gravel before. If not, I can tell you this:

Three and a half tons sounds like a hell of a lot of gravel.

When the truck dumps it out, it doesn’t look like that much. Gravel’s pretty heavy, after all.

As soon as you start raking, or shoveling, or scooping it with your hands, you realize that three and a half tons really is the enormous fucking truckful that it advertised itself to be.

So, with a garden rake and a three-foot shovel, I did the best I could. I spread it around our parking ‘bunker’ (basically an uncovered garage, about twenty feet square), and tried to even it out where possible. In the end, I’m afraid it’s a bit lumpy and uneven. On the other hand, so’s my friggin’ back, so I’d say that’s pretty fair. I don’t think I’ll be doing any rowing, or situps, or bending over — or standing up straight, for that matter — for quite a while. Which is rather unfortunate, really, since I have a job interview in about two hours.

So, I’m gonna wrap up this post, finish my lunch, take a shower and try to put myself back together again. I want to put my ‘best foot forward’, of course, but I’m afraid at the moment, it’ll be coming forward sideways and limpy, dragging my less-best other foot behind it. ‘Hi, thanks for seeing me today! My name’s Charlie, but my friends call me Quasi.‘ I’m not sure I like my chances.

Still, if they don’t have a need for a crippled software engineer, I can still get a job ringing those enormous church bells. Hell, it can’t be any harder than sloughing that gravel around. And they’ll probably feed me, too, which is good. Given my current hunchy condition, I was limited to what I could easily reach for lunch today. So I’m having an artichoke heart and salsa sandwich on pita bread, with dill pickle chips and lemon juice to drink. I smothered the sandwich in brown mustard, hoping that would mask the ickiness, but it’s not really working. Now that I think about it, I don’t recall the bottle saying ‘brown’ anywhere on it. Or ‘mustard’, for that matter. I think the stuff may have been salad dressing in a former life.

Oh, well, it probably won’t kill me, at least.

(Which is what I said about the gravel a couple of hours ago.)

So I’ll gobble it down and go get ready for my interview. I just hope I can get a tie on, now that my neck’s all crooked. Maybe a bolo would be easier. Anyone out there got a string tie an old hunchback can borrow?


Hey, three quick notes before I leave:

1. Don’t forget to read this week’s Carnival of the Vanities. It features me — little old me! — plus a bunch of people cooler than me, and a bunch of their posts, too. Definitely worth checking out.

B. Also, I’m still working on 100 Things About Me. The things are all there, but because I’m a masochistic freakin’ idiot, I’ve decided to turn each one into its own blog post. I’m up to fifteen or so entries, and chugging along. Soon, you’ll even be able to post comments over there! Won’t that just complete your whole life?

III. Hey, does anybody know what’s happening with Bob the Corgi? She was nice enough to leave me a cool comment on my birthday post, but as far as I can tell, her site’s been down ever since. Coincidence? Eh, probably. Still, Shelley at Cynical, A Life, if you’re reading this, you might want to watch out. You left a comment, too. You could be next! *gulp*
Permalink  |  No Comments



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved