Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

An Ode to Ade

Ah, lemonade. It’s my very most favoritest of all the ades. It’s better than lime, better than orange, even better than Gator. Lemonade kicks ade ass!

I just made a big pitcher of lemonade. My wife hates it when I do that. Not that she’s got anything against lemonade, per se; it’s just that she doesn’t like it quite as strong as I make it. She’s a delicate flower, after all. Beautiful, but fragile. Tender. And not so much into the puckery stuff.

(Hey, this is lemonade we’re talking about here. Don’t get all personal and shit. Focus, dude.)

Anyway, let’s just say that we have ‘creative differences’ over how our favorite lemony beverage should be prepared. Around our house, we ‘make da ade’ using that synthetic lemony-scented powdered crap that a lot of people use. My wife uses two scoops of the stuff per pitcher. Or, as she told me tonight, ‘really, one and a half‘. Isn’t that just adorable?

Me, I ain’t goin’ down like that. Scoops, schmoops. When I want lemonade, I don’t play around with that little plastic thingy in the can. I get out the bathroom scale, and dump that shit in by the pound. I don’t make ‘lemonade’, really — instead, I stir up a lemon sludge, muddy and murky and full of tart puckery goodness. If it’s not gritty and pasty, then it’s just not good ade. I want my lips puckered up so far that I can taste my own uvula, dammit.

(What? Oh, like you’ve never tasted your uvula before. Don’t give me that look, dammit.)

Anyway, I’m a happy man right now. This is some damned good ade I’ve got going on. I won’t be able to yodel for a week. (Nor for several dozen years after that, if we’re at all lucky.) My wife’s decided to enjoy some, too. I’m having mine in a tall glass, ‘neat’; she’s going to dilute hers just a bit before she digs in. It looks like she’s got an eyedropper full of lemonade, and she’s heading for the bathtub upstairs with some ice cubes and a straw. Well, more power to her. And lemonade all ’round! Drink up, people — this is good shit!

Permalink  |  6 Comments



6 Responses to “An Ode to Ade”

  1. nefarious says:

    Dump the powder dude… anything that makes your throat feel like that when you inhale can’t be good. Hell, I bet all the sheetrock… er.. drywall… er… gypsum wall board dust I’ve been inhaling lately is better than that stuff!

    Here… try something like THIS:

    http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/beverages/msg1114105224933.html />

    Yeah… dat right… I’m givin a brotha da hookup! Fo shizzle!

  2. Joe says:

    Hey man…uvulas are overrated. They don’t really taste that good.

    Hope you enjoyed your lemonade!

  3. Jeff A says:

    Lemonade that cool refreshing drink!

  4. I’m with you. Let the puckering begin!

    By the way, with all those “puckers” in your post, if you read it really fast, it looks like a porno.

  5. M says:

    Pucker? I hardly know her!

  6. Bob says:

    Nothing better than lemonade slurry.

    In fact, if it werent so hard to eat spoonfulls of the powder I would leave out the water completely…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved