Saturday the Way God Intended

May 1, 2004

Well, I just about got my wish, for better or worse.

Sure, I didn’t actually physically stay in bed all day today, but in terms of what I got accomplished, it was pretty damned close. I got up around ten, played a couple of games on the computer (High Heat is the diversion du jour around here, in case you’re interested), and took a shower around one in the afternoon. Then, it was some TV watching, mowing the grass, more TV, another game, and off to dinner with the wife and some friends. Which turned into dessert, and drinks, and pool, and more drinks, and right there at the end, another couple of drinks.

So. What I’m basically saying is that I made the grass shorter today (largely because my wife made it abundantly clear, in her own special and mysterious way, that unpleasant things would happen to my testes if I didn’t), and I really didn’t accomplish anything else of note. If I had to stretch, I’d probably have to say that brushing my teeth was the second-most useful thing I did today. And I pretty much half-assed that, too, frankly. My cuspids didn’t get nearly the attention they deserve.

I suppose the other thing I’m saying, after all of those drinks I mentioned, is that I’m just a tad on the tipsy side. Or, at least, I’m typing it. I suppose I’m not really saying anything right at the moment, if you want to get technical about it. I could, though, if that would help. Let’s see… I could say, ‘Tuckus!‘ How’s that? I just said it. Is that any better? No? How about if I said, ‘Booberage‘ No? Making no sense?

Meh. Hell, I said I was tipsy. What the hell do you want?

Anyway, here’s hoping that your Saturday has been as useless, frivolous, and wildly entertaining as mine has been. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m off to an early night’s rest. I”ll see you kids tomorrow, and maybe that’s when I’ll talk about the ‘Fortune Melons’ I teased you with yesterday.

(No, really, I’ll get on that soon. I know that noone wants to be teased with melons. Especially my melons. That just can’t possibly be good.)

So, I’ll be back with more tomorrow. Sorry there’s not more substance and hilarity here tonight, but this is just one more thing I decided didn’t need to be done today. Hell, nothing needed to be done today. Sometimes you just need an empty day for reflecting, and recharging, and pouring large amounts of alcohol down your throat, you know? And that’s sort of the day I had today, and I don’t want to ruin my streak of uselessness until I have to. So sit back, relax, put your feet up, and enjoy the rest of your Saturday evening. I know I will — I’ll be sleeping. And there’s nothing better than eight to ten hours of shuteye after a hard day of being completely irrelevant, is there? Hell, I’m making myself sleepy already. Nighty night, folks!