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Mmmm… That’s Good Medicine!

Well, folks, it looks like this is all you’re gonna get from me for the next week or so. I’m off to London this evening, and won’t be back until next Saturday. Or Sunday. Or the plane leaves Saturday, and gets here Sunday. Or vice versa, I forget. All this time zone crossing makes me dizzy. And a little cranky. And I have to pee now. Bleh.

Anyway, I know there are still a few of you out there who enjoy your daily dose of drivel — at least, a few who haven’t been institutionalized yet — and so Dr. Charlie is here to help, as best I can.

(Actually, I just like calling myself ‘Dr. Charlie’. But then, it’s always good to play doctor, right? Even if I don’t ‘play one on TV’.)

So, in lieu of new and exciting content over the next seven days or so, I’ll offer up a prescription of my favorite posts from the archives, to keep you company while I’m away in the Olde Country. I’ll leave you one for each day I’m gone — so don’t go getting greedy and reading them all at once, or you’ll have nothing else for the rest of the week. Pace yourself. Breathe. Be cool.

(Besides, I can’t be held responsible for what might happen if you read more than one of these in one sitting. You could cause yourself permanent damage, I imagine. Or at least a lot of drooling and twitching. You gotta follow the recommended dosage, people. It’s for your own good.)

Okay, so here we go — on to your prescription. You take one of these every day, and call me in a week.

Sunday, July 4: In honor of American Independence Day (which I’m sure will be a sore spot where I’m gonna be tomorrow), let’s start with my red, white and boobered entry from July 4th of last year:

‘Happy Birthday! Or War Day! Or Bank Holiday! …You Go, Girl!‘

Monday, July 5: For a Monday, you need a pick-me-up; something light and fun and silly. So how’s about a gander at what may well be the silliest thing I’ve ever written (outside that ridiculous freshman Humanities paper back in college — Raphael’s use of color more revolutionary than Picasso? Please!):

‘Can I Buy a Damned Clue, Please?‘

Tuesday, July 6: Many of you will be starting your work weeks on Tuesday, so you’ll have to deal with all those assbags and bitchypoos in your office. So how about a post that’ll help you to cope with the blowhards and blabbermouths loitering around the water cooler? I’m only here to help, with:

‘A Wall to Save Us All‘

Wednesday, July 7: Keeping with the ‘work’ theme on Hump Day, I’ll offer up an embarrassing (and even true, to a point) story about a job interview I barely survived. Learn how I almost became one of the minions of Zolton, Render of Souls, in:

‘Tell Me, O Mighty Liege of Destruction, How Many Vacation Weeks Will I Have?‘

Thursday, July 8: Too much work-related nonsense can be depressing, so let’s break up the string with a bit of summer school shenanigans. You may know your ABCs, but you never learned what I’m teachin’ in:

‘A Grammar Lesson, Charlie-Style‘

Friday, July 9: For the past few months, Fridays around here have been the time for Friday Fever. I may not be here to throw out a new setup, but this would be a perfect time to check out all twenty (twenty!) to date:

‘I’ll Set ‘Em Up — You Knock ‘Em Down‘

Saturday, July 10: Finally, the weekend! And as we all know, Saturdays are made for… grocery shopping. Make that: grocery shopping, dammit. Find out why going out for milk and bread is one of my least favorite errands in:

‘Honey, Did You Remember the Ho-Ho’s?‘

That’s it for now. You be a good little patient and follow all the instructions, okay? The receptionist can schedule you a follow-up appointment. Just have your insurance card — and your copayment fee, of course — ready on the way out. See you in a week!