August 31, 2005
Hey, kids. Not a lot of time tonight, so just a quickie before bedtime.
(I know, I know — you’ve been waiting your whole life to hear me say that. Get your chaps on and saddle up, honey; I’ll be with you in a minute.)
Meanwhile, here’s a bit of fluff. It’s the:
Top Ten Ways That Watching My Standup Act Is Like Having Sex
- 10. It’ll last about six minutes.
- 9. You won’t respect me in the morning.
- 8. If you’re really good at your part, I just might pay you.
- 7. You’ll never see it on basic cable.
- 6. I’ll be the one doing all the sweating and making all the noise.
- 5. By the end, you’ll wish I was someone else. (I know I do.)
- 4. The more of you there are, the more fun I’m gonna have.
- 3. Halfway through, I’ll ask if I’m hurting you.
- 2. It’s funny… but not for the reasons I think it’s funny.
- and 1. You’ll enjoy it much more if you’re naked.
Well, that was fun. If I’ve missed any, feel free to send ’em along. And hey — I was just kidding about those chaps, kiddo. Go hose yourself down, you cheeky little monkey, you.
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