Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

What Do You Mean, I’ve Always Looked This Way?!

Well, let’s take inventory here, shall we?

It’s a quarter till twelve in the evening. I’m sitting in my boxers and a T-shirt on the couch, trying to stay cool in our non-air-conditioned house. I’ve got to be up at eight in the morning to give a presentation to the boss and assorted hangers-on. And I just microwaved something called a ‘Bowl Creation’ for dinner. It’s sort of a poor man’s excuse for macaroni and cheese. Which is particularly depressing, since macaroni and cheese is sort of a poor man’s excuse for dinner in the first place.

Folks, if this isn’t ‘rock bottom’, then I don’t want to be frigging conscious when I see it. Christ.

Actually, this sort of night isn’t that far from the norm for me recently. Honestly, I’ve sort of been letting myself go for the summer. I’m taking it easy, eating all wrong, slacking off — hell, I can’t remember the last time I got my hair cut. April, maybe? Nineteen ninety-seven? Who knows? I’m a mess.

Of course, the truly disturbing thing about it is… I’m not sure anyone has really noticed. And if there’s anything worse than mailing it in and skating through life for a couple of months, then it’s mailing and skating, and having people think that’s more or less normal for you. I’m learning a lot here, people. ‘Life lessons’ can be so cruel, dammit.

On the other hand, maybe this is an opportunity. When life hands you ‘slumming’, then… well, I’m not sure, really. I guess you’re supposed to make ‘slum ade’, or ‘ghetto soda’, or maybe ‘back alley juice’.

(Although really, folks — if I ever start making ‘back alley juice’ of any kind, just slap the Depends on me and put me in a home, would you? And keep me away from the jalapenos. I’ve got enough problems as it is.)

Disgusting euphemisms aside, let’s get back to the opportunity part. See, now I’m curious — if I can get away with wrinkled shorts and messy hair… just how far can I go, exactly? Untied shoes and a five o’clock shadow? Mismatched socks and a wifebeater? Rusty nipple clamps and a pair of ruffled lederhosen?

Okay, maybe that’s a bit far. There’s ‘spiralling downward into wretched slovenliness’, and then there’s… well, then there’s prancing around with your nipples clamped and your hosens ledered. Just a little bit different, I’m thinking.

(And yeah, I added the prancing after the fact. It was kind of an afterthought. But think about it — if you were decked out in booby pinchers and German leggings, wouldn’t you feel like prancing? I’m just saying.)

Anyway, I’ve got to run off to bed — only two or three hours earlier than my usual beddy-bye time. Gotta rest up for that talk tomorrow. And hey — now I’ve got a few ideas about what outfit to wear for the big meeting. It’s gonna be Oktoberfestive, baby!

Permalink  |  2 Comments



2 Responses to “What Do You Mean, I’ve Always Looked This Way?!”

  1. Kat says:

    All I ask is that you get a picture of you in your get-up! It is interesting how little people really pay attention, isn’t it? Makes me kind of laugh at the folks that worry endlessly about what others think of them….ok, it makes me roll on the floor laughing my bum off cuz nobody is thinking about anybody else, except for themselves!

    Great post, I’m glad I’m cruising through all the links in my faves.

  2. Kari says:

    lederhosen? ROFL

    Hey, you should let those nipple clamps get rusty dangit!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved