Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Does This Qualify as ‘Bettering Myself’?

So, I’ve been thinking lately.

(Yeah, I hear you — ‘It’s about damned time‘. Well, nyah, nyah, and nyaaaaah, there, nipplechest. You ain’t funny.)

Anyway, I’ve been doing some thinking, and I’ve decided that it’s not going to be enough to simply invent a few new euphemisms this year.

(Not that I’m not going to do that, too — I made a resolution, dammit, and I’m sticking to it. Want proof? How about these:

sittin’ pretty on the Slip ‘n’ Slide

making the good folks at Kleenex just a little bit richer

slapping chickens in a wind tunnel

Or my new favorite:

gumming Grandma’s applesauce

Heh. Aw, yeah, man. That’s the shit. That’ll last me for a while.)

Anyway, those sorts of things are nice. And disturbing. And probably illegal in some midwestern states. But I think I can do more. I’ll not rest on my perverted laurels, folks, comfy though they be. Seriously, I’ve got some kick-ass laurels. They’re padded, even.

The point is, I’ve decided to augment my euphemistic efforts with a sexy sprinkling of other terminalia. Not dirty words, mind you, but words that should be dirty, but aren’t. Like… oh, I don’t know, gherkin. Or penal. Or Santorum.

(Oh, wait, can’t use that one. That’s already dirty, remember? Moving on.)

So, just in case you want to play along at home — and why the hell wouldn’t you, right? — I thought I’d leave you with a short list of the oughta-be-dirty words that I’m going to be working into conversations in the coming months. Feel free to add your own — there’s enough pseudo-smut to go around.

Charlie’s ‘Get Your Gherkin On’ Vocabulary List:

alveola

Bjork

borscht

bushwhack

cockles

dongle

Fiddle Faddle

fluffernutters

frappe

gherkin

Grinchy

ouzo

Parcheesi

pestle

puffin

pussywillows

scrunchie

splurge

wrangler

whiskered

All right, that’s a good start. Now I’m off to practice on my wife. Maybe if I get all grinchy with her dongle, she’ll bushwhack my fluffernutters. Whee!

Permalink  |  5 Comments



5 Responses to “Does This Qualify as ‘Bettering Myself’?”

  1. Rae says:

    I am so glad you listed Parcheesi. I have always blushed and felt a bit guilty when saying it, or even being directed to go get it…”Rae, sweetie, let’s have some Parcheesi…”

    P.S. Charlie, dearest, come see me at my new place. I recently relocated out the projects to the burbs of blogdom MuNu.

  2. Monkey says:

    Got nothing to do with dirty words, but my fave euphemism right now is “showbags” as in, ‘dude, you’re talking showbags right now.

    showbags = full of shit.

    (blog oughtta be a dirty word)

  3. nefarious says:

    LOL… BRAVO!

    (standing up in the back applauding while everyone else turns around to see who the excited freak is)

  4. zeno says:

    May I suggest the following for inclusion in your vocabulary listing?

    Botox

    Chorizo

    Clematis

    Delve

    Flanged

    Libellous

    Melange

    Muff

    Naples

    Organza

    Regina

    Stub

    Uvula

  5. Brenda says:

    I consider any word that I can’t spell, a dirty word.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved