Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Mmmmm… That’s Zesty!

Today, I bought a zester.

Oh, don’t give me that look. It doesn’t make me less of a man. I saw it on Iron Chef, and those guys aren’t girly. Especially the one who’s a chick. You know she eats pizza with hands. Chili, too, probably. Yowie.

Anyway, I honestly don’t have any idea what ‘zesting’ is. After a little bit of testing this evening, though, I can safely report that it has nothing to do with my wife’s ass. Or so she says. Or so I’m taking, ‘Get that thing away from me — and put your pants back on, you freakin’ moron!‘ to mean.

Happily, though, this little contraption also turns out to be a ‘grater’.

(And no — I didn’t test it on an ass first. I used parmesan, thank you very much. I’m not an idiot. Everybody knows you grate your cheese first, then the asses. That way, you don’t have to rinse the grater in between. Duh.)

So, I’ve got a new toy. And I’ve never had parmesan grated so finely, so delicately, so tasily. My wife called it ‘fluffy’. And that was after the ass grating incident — so you know this shit was good.

Now, I’m looking for other shit to grate. Or zest. Or shave. Unfortunately, we’re not fancy enough to keep fresh limes or cinnamon sticks around — so I’ve been improvising. I shredded a kielbasa with it. I don’t know why, exactly — nobody’s gonna eat grated indistinguishable beef parts. Not when it’s not called a ‘McBurger’ of some kind, anyway.

Then, I moved on to broccoli. That was sort of messy — it just ended up as a big greasy puddle of green goo. Frozen broccoli was a little better… but not so tasty. I wouldn’t recommend it on top of your spaghetti and indistinguishable beef part-balls. Just for instance.

So, I’m still on the lookout. I’m going back in the kitchen with a Snickers bar, a coconut, and a purple Nerf football. I’ll let you know what I find out. And I’ll be sure to rinse all the ass off the thing, before I get started. Bon appetit, people.

Permalink  |  1 Comment



One Response to “Mmmmm… That’s Zesty!”

  1. Zoot says:

    Charlie, you should put some ice in there.. shave it… then pour on your favorite flavored bevarage… shaved ice! there ya go!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

HumorSource

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved