So, can someone smarter than me — meaning, pretty much anyone — explain to me the difference, real or imagined, between Diet Pepsi and Pepsi One? Is it just a marketing thing? Do the folks at PepsiCo think that big, strong, burly types like me won’t drink a ‘diet soda’, but we’re on board with a ‘one’ cola?
And if it’s a taste thing, then why keep Diet Pepsi around at all? Is Pepsi One the ‘new Diet Pepsi’? And does that make Diet Pepsi the Diet Pepsi Classic?
And which came first, Pepsi One or Coke’s C2? What’s with all the numbers, anyway? And why are both these assbag companies throwing this shit at us, and adulterating their sugar water with cherries and vanilla and god knows what else? Can’t we all just have a plain, regular damned soda any more? Sheesh. I’m not shopping for a goddamned car; I just need something to wash down my sandwich. Give me a break over here.
Speaking of sandwiches — or even better, The Sandwich — I fully expected some smartass to read my last post, and comment with something along the lines of:
‘You should learn to like tomatoes — they’re good for you.‘
Oh, horse balls. I used to get that kind of crap from my family growing up. It was a stinking load of ass salad then, and it’s a stinking load of ass salad now. Just because something’s ‘good for you‘ doesn’t mean you have to like it — and if there’s even one beneficial thing that you don’t like, then I don’t want to hear that kind of beaverplop from you. That goes for exercising, sitting up straight, flossing, eating your damned cauliflower, and anything else that might buy you a few miserable extra days on the wrong end of your life. Like I used to tell my family:
‘Sure, tomatoes are good for you. So are high colonics, apparently, but I don’t see you shoving a fire hose up grandma’s ass every week to clean her out. So shut yer yap and pass the potato chips.‘
Oh, and one more question, before I go — did anyone else catch a glimpse of ESPN’s Wednesday Night Baseball set between games tonight? Since when do the boys in Bristol design their sets after Tron? That thing had ‘laser light show gone wrong’ written all over it. And Larry Bowa sitting in the middle of all that nonsense, trying not to be his usual gruff, snarly self? I’m surprised he didn’t bust a vein right there on camera — they must have him doped up on enough tranqs to bring down a hippo. That was the most surreal thirty seconds of television I’ve seen in a very long time, people. And with the ridiculous shit I TiVo, that’s saying something.Permalink | 8 Comments