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Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Eleven Questions, and Random Tomato Snark

So, can someone smarter than me — meaning, pretty much anyone — explain to me the difference, real or imagined, between Diet Pepsi and Pepsi One? Is it just a marketing thing? Do the folks at PepsiCo think that big, strong, burly types like me won’t drink a ‘diet soda’, but we’re on board with a ‘one’ cola?

And if it’s a taste thing, then why keep Diet Pepsi around at all? Is Pepsi One the ‘new Diet Pepsi’? And does that make Diet Pepsi the Diet Pepsi Classic?

And which came first, Pepsi One or Coke’s C2? What’s with all the numbers, anyway? And why are both these assbag companies throwing this shit at us, and adulterating their sugar water with cherries and vanilla and god knows what else? Can’t we all just have a plain, regular damned soda any more? Sheesh. I’m not shopping for a goddamned car; I just need something to wash down my sandwich. Give me a break over here.

Speaking of sandwiches — or even better, The Sandwich — I fully expected some smartass to read my last post, and comment with something along the lines of:

You should learn to like tomatoes — they’re good for you.

Oh, horse balls. I used to get that kind of crap from my family growing up. It was a stinking load of ass salad then, and it’s a stinking load of ass salad now. Just because something’s ‘good for you‘ doesn’t mean you have to like it — and if there’s even one beneficial thing that you don’t like, then I don’t want to hear that kind of beaverplop from you. That goes for exercising, sitting up straight, flossing, eating your damned cauliflower, and anything else that might buy you a few miserable extra days on the wrong end of your life. Like I used to tell my family:

Sure, tomatoes are good for you. So are high colonics, apparently, but I don’t see you shoving a fire hose up grandma’s ass every week to clean her out. So shut yer yap and pass the potato chips.

Oh, and one more question, before I go — did anyone else catch a glimpse of ESPN’s Wednesday Night Baseball set between games tonight? Since when do the boys in Bristol design their sets after Tron? That thing had ‘laser light show gone wrong’ written all over it. And Larry Bowa sitting in the middle of all that nonsense, trying not to be his usual gruff, snarly self? I’m surprised he didn’t bust a vein right there on camera — they must have him doped up on enough tranqs to bring down a hippo. That was the most surreal thirty seconds of television I’ve seen in a very long time, people. And with the ridiculous shit I TiVo, that’s saying something.

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8 Responses to “Eleven Questions, and Random Tomato Snark”

  1. Jenn says:

    *Sigh* Do I have to do *ALL* your corn-syruppy product education?

    Diet Pepsi: has no calories

    Pepsi One has 1 calorie.

    There is quite a difference in taste between the two and the REASON they don’t take one off the market is because some people prefer the taste of Diet Pepsi to Pepsi One and vice versa. See…that’s called MARKETING. Maybe if you got your head out of parantheses every once in a while, you’d know that. :-P

    And C2 is the equivalent of Pepsi Edge – both are about 50 calories and which means they have half the sugar as the originals and esentially have about half the sweetness flavor. Yeah, I don’t get it either.

  2. Jenn says:

    *Sigh* Do I have to do *ALL* your corn-syruppy product education?

    Diet Pepsi: has no calories

    Pepsi One has 1 calorie.

    There is quite a difference in taste between the two and the REASON they don’t take one off the market is because some people prefer the taste of Diet Pepsi to Pepsi One and vice versa. See…that’s called MARKETING. Maybe if you got your head out of parantheses every once in a while, you’d know that. :-P

    And C2 is the equivalent of Pepsi Edge – both are about 50 calories and which means they have half the sugar as the originals and esentially have about half the sweetness flavor. Yeah, I don’t get it either.

  3. wlfldy says:

    I’m with you. Just leave the stuff alone. If a product is good, you don’t need to keep producing it in ‘other’ flavors. If it’s not good, then maybe you do need some backup strategy. So by creating this other stuff, all you’re saying is that the original product isn’t good enough. I haven’t slept much, did any of that make sense? Oh, and why, for about the past week or so, has it taken all of a full 50 seconds for your page to load? And I’m on a T1 line.

  4. Jen says:

    Okay, now that I’ve cleaned my laptop of the coffee I just spewed after reading the comment about grandma and the high colonic…

    A bud of mine told me that there is a “Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper with Lemon” on the market… how’s that for a carbonated flavor overload?

  5. Jenn says:

    And interestingly Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr, Pepper tastes EXACTLY the same as regular Diet Dr. Pepper… *shrugs*

  6. chasmyn says:

    Well, I was totally gonna say what Jenn said, basically word for word, but she handled it fo me.

    So um yeah, what she said. I don’t do sports, so I can;t address the other part.

  7. QC says:

    I don’t know. I pretty much ignore all of the diets and pseudo-diets and half-diets and low-carbs, since I’m pretty attached to my Diet Cokes.

    The Ex used to try to get me to eat onions all the time. “They’re good for you!” Irritated the crap out of me – it was like I was a five-year old and wouldn’t eat my broccoli for Daddy. Why is it that people don’t understand (or care) how extremely condescending that whole thing is?!

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