Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Weekend Werind: Love, Factually

So. Valentine’s Day is coming up. A time of the year that strikes fear in the hearts of men everywhere, a time when roses are great — but only if they’re the right color, candy is swell — unless she’s in the wrong mood, and sweet talk melts her heart — assuming you don’t say anything stupid, use only appropriate language and can actually remember her name this time. Basically, if you’re equipped with a penis and in a relationship, you might as well just start sleeping on the couch now for practice.

But fear not, intrepid husbands, boyfriends, fiancees and ‘sugar sons’! For I have not one but two love-related posts from these very archives (and another one that isn’t!) that is guaranteed to get you out of the doghouse and back into the bedroom in no time.

“Basically, if you’re equipped with a penis and in a relationship, you might as well just start sleeping on the couch now for practice.”

Or, they’ll distract you from your misery while you’re camped out in the garage after she stomps on the flowers and starts winging furniture at your head. Eh, what do I care which? It’s not my marriage we’re talking about. This time.

So enjoy the Valentiney goodness dripping off the links below. With all the sap, pap and sentimental hoohah floating around this time of year, these words should provide you a solid logical footing for handling this year’s festivities.

(Note: Use of any of the methods, activities or suggestions contained in the following pages is not recommended, under any romantic circumstances. We hold no responsibility for the huffyhood, frigidity or stomping-back-to-daddyness that may result from trying these things at home, and we cannot assist you personally or financially with couples counseling, divorce proceedings or getting those high heel dents out of your Jeep Cherokee. Proceed with extreme amorous caution.)

On selecting a card: Yes, I’m a Hopeless Romantic

(Just replace “anniversary” with “Valentines’ Day” while you read that one. Eight of one, half dozen of the other…)

On choosing a bouquet: Say What with Flowers?

And, with a huge assist from my friends at The Science Creative Quarterly, who were kind enough to publish it prior to V-Day two years ago, a sober and revealing analysis of this crazy ‘love’ word people keep throwing around: Love in the Laboratory.

That’s all for now. Fellas, now you can give your lady a nice card, an appropriate bunch of blooms and a scientifically-tested sappy sentiment of your choice this Valentine’s Day. No need to thank me now; you can always send your undying gratitude after the big day has passed.

And yes, feel free to call from the garage, or whichever motel you check into. I’ll understand.

Permalink  |  2 Comments



2 Responses to “Weekend Werind: Love, Factually”

  1. Thanks for your advice, but I may skip it on the cards. The flowers, though, I think you’re right on; I might be going with the sweetpeas. :)

  2. Charlie says:

    Rambler, it’s probably best to avoid most of my advice, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Matters of the liver, I can probably help with. The heart, not so much.

    Hope you and your sweetie had a fantastic Valentine’s Day. Just stay away from those sourpeas, alright?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved