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The Doofus Is In! And Out Again

To anyone still interested in eyeballing this corner of the interweb — welcome! I’m not quite in a position to offer regular doses of tomfoolery again quite yet, but I thought I’d update anyone wandering by for a peek.

Mostly, I wanted to explain that I have not, in fact, been completely idle during my hiatus, sitting naked in the bathtub eating bonbons and twiddling various appendages. No, sir.

(For one thing, I don’t even like bonbons. If I were going down that road, it’d be Hostess Ho-Hos all the way. Ho-Hos are absolutely the ideal naked bathtub twiddling snack, bar none. I’m afraid I’ve given this rather a lot of thought. And I’m just as creeped out as you are about it.

Moving right along.)

“There are only so many places I’m willing to cram a rabbit, even for the purposes of hypothetical prestidigitation.”

The point is, I’ve actually been keeping rather busy, and some of that business involved writing. Which I will now deftly point you towards, in lieu of regular updates here for a little while longer. See how I did that? You were watching my right hand, and — presto wowo! — suddenly, the rabbit emerges from my left hand instead. Or I pull it from behind your ear, or a top hat, or a baking dish or something. There are only so many places I’m willing to cram a rabbit, even for the purposes of hypothetical prestidigitation.

Let’s just point you to the writing, and forget this ‘bunny stuffing’ business ever sullied our reunion, agreed? Good.

First, as in the recent past, I’ve been squirting words semi-regularly onto the pages at uber-baseball hot spot Bugs & Cranks. Many of those words have to do with the Atlanta Braves, and some recent ones have referenced ousted closer and pants-stretcher extraordinaire Bob Wickman, unabashed first baseman fanboy-ism, and Bobby Cox, one of few men who’s been thrown out of more ballparks than I have. If baseball’s your thing, ‘B&C’ is your place.

The other piece of preposterous prose is actually available at one of my favorite comedy websites, ZUG.com, where I’ve spent many an evening, weekend, early morning, and national holiday giggling at the gags therein.

(But never during work hours. That’s my story, and if you tell my boss any different, I’ll show up at your office and pants you in a staff meeting. Don’t go there, Poindexter.)

At any rate, the good folks at ZUG — most especially good folk John, who runs the joint — saw fit to commission and feature a three-piece series dealing with online dating. And serial killers.

If ever there were ‘two great tastes that taste great together’, that’s got to be them. You can argue for PB & J or the Olsen twins all you want; it’s e-love and mass murderers in my book. Or at least in my mini-serial, which can be perused here:

Monster Love, Volume I

Monster Love, Part the Second

Monster Love, the Grisly Conclusion

That’s it for now. Hopefully, I’ll be back to a regular drivel-dropping schedule relatively soon, but for the moment, the doofus is officially out again. Take care. Stay in school. And spay and neuter those pets. Ciao.