Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

Thank Heaven for the Ides!

Hey, all. I’ve been a bit lazy around here lately. It’s just been that kind of summer. But don’t fret — I’m still around, and have a couple of topics on tap soon.

(Or do fret, if you’re tired of reading this nonsense. I can’t tell you how to feel about it.)

At any rate, this being the fifteenth of the month, I get a freebie — and I’m going to use it. So, at your leisure, hop on over to Zoiks! to check out the latest, hot-off-the-virtual-presses issue. It’s got all sorts of entertaining, fun little pieces — kicky, just for summer! Plus, I’ve got a piece over there. So go have a look.

Meanwhile, just in case you missed the last issue, I’ll dump my piece from it below. So even if you’re feeling lazy, too, you get something to read right here. It’s something for everyone, twice a month. Huzzah!

So, there you go. I’m going back to taking it easy — I’ll see you folks in a day or two. Happy Friday!


No Style Is Just My Style

I’m not the most stylish guy in the world. Or even the most stylish guy on my block. Honestly, there’s a good chance that I’m not the most stylish guy who’s ever worn these pants. I’m not proud to be a slob, per se — but at this stage, I’m not sure there’s much I can do about it. Not without a visit from the Queer Eye crew, anyway.

The good news is that it seems I’m not alone. A recent study has shown that most men identify themselves as either ‘metrosexuals’ — think hair products and silk ties — or the also-cleverly-coined ‘retrosexuals’, meant to invoke visions of wifebeater T-shirts and Chuck Taylor sneaks. Now, I consider myself somewhere in between — I’m about as likely to shoot a moose as I am to use mousse in my hair. But I’m definitely camped out on the ‘retro’ side of the spectrum.

(And by the way, are we finished with the cute names yet? What’s next — if you like to dress up like an animal doctor, are you a vet-rosexual? Along the same lines, should we call guys with big furry backs pet-rosexuals? And if they shave it off, are they then Gilette-rosexuals? These are questions that I’m sorry I ever asked. Moving on.)

Of course, my wife wishes that I were a bit more ‘presentable’. Apparently, she likes to go out in public, and mingle with other people, and eat meals that don’t come wrapped in foil. Which is all well and good, but she’s got this crazy idea that I should also be involved, somehow. I don’t recall that sort of nonsense coming up during the wedding vows, but I wasn’t really paying close attention at the time. I was too busy fighting with my mother-in-law-to-be over the cutoff jeans and tuxedo tee I was wearing. I tried to point out that the black Chuck Taylors counted as formalwear, but she wasn’t impressed. Women, eh?

I suppose I could try to clean up a bit, though. There must be a class I could take, or maybe a seminar of some kind. I imagine there’s someone out there offering a whole weekend series to guys like me, with titles like ‘Sweatpants Aren’t the Only Pants’, ‘One Manicure Doesn’t Make You a Sissy’, and ‘Ties — They’re Knot Just for Funerals Any More’. I could show up in shorts and flip-flops, and walk out in a pressed suit and new loafers. It might even be worth the money — and the ribbing I’d take over the manicure from my friends. They’re not enlightened, stylish clothes hounds like the ‘new me’, you know.

The problem with cleaning myself up, of course, is that I’d just end up going out to nice places. You can’t show off a new set of expensive threads by sitting at a ball game or standing in line for McDonalds slop, after all. If I were to ever get myself together, the wife would be dragging me out to expensive restaurants, or fancy parties, or — depending on the quality of that manicure — heaven forbid, the opera. I’d never have a few minutes to myself to sit in my boxers and drink beer again. Forget that. I’ll stay my own slobby self, thank you very much. I may not look ‘fabulous’, but I’m feeling pretty damned good.

Permalink  |  1 Comment



One Response to “Thank Heaven for the Ides!”

  1. buzz says:

    I think that’s a good idea. You can never over-emphasize comfortable, right?

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll get a little less comfortable and go put on some pants.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

HumorSource

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved