Charlie Hatton About This
About Me
Email Me

Bookmark
 FeedBurnerEmailTwitterFacebookAmazon
Charlie Hatton
Brookline, MA



All Quotes
HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail

  |  

Howdy, friendly reading person!
I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now, but only to work on other projects -- one incredibly exciting example being the newly-released kids' science book series Things That Make You Go Yuck!
If you're a science and/or silliness fan, give it a gander! See you soon!

41

#41. I’m a green belt (retired) in Tae Kwon Do.

Okay, when I say ‘retired’, I suppose I really mean ‘disinterested’. I’m not sure you can ever really retire from martial arts, or renounce it, somehow. How do you give back the ability to roundhouse kick? (Well, yeah, eighteen years or so of beer-drinking and bad beer haven’t exactly helped. But I could still do one. You know, if I wanted to. I just choose not to kick, that’s all.)

Anyway, I got into Tae Kwon Do in high school. I stuck with it for about eight or nine months, I think, which would probably make it a record at the time. I tended to go through interests pretty quickly, and get distracted at the drop of a hat. Lucky thing I got through that phase, eh? Oh, shut up.

So, in this particular sport, the belts go from white to yellow to green to… let’s see, green with a brown tip, and then to brown, and then red, and blue — or blue, and then red, I forget — and finally black. I was just a couple of weeks away from testing for the brown-tipped green belt when I got into something else and stopped going. (Of course, the joke’s on them — the way I dragged the belt around and played with it at home, it was already brown-tipped. Hah!)

But it was fun while it lasted, I suppose. Certainly, I was in the best shape of my life back then, thanks to the added flexibility, regular exercise and metabolism of a hyperactive field mouse. And I got to break boards every now and then, which was pretty cool. I even remember a little bit of the technique and moves, though I don’t think I’ll be trying out my now-tender feet on any two-by-fours anytime soon. Plus, there’s a fair chance I’d pull a groin or something trying to kick anything above chest level. It’s been a long time, I’m afraid.

These days, I just have to content myself with being able to close the silverware drawer from across the room, or shutting the dishwasher without bending over. Before I was married, I could also push in the salad crisper in the fridge with a slo-mo front kick. But my wife saw me once, and threatened to unleash a big ‘Hiiiiy-yah!‘ on me if I put my filthy feet in the refrigerateor again. So clearly, that move is out of my repertiore. She doesn’t know any martial arts herself, you see, but she’d still probably kick my ass. This self-defense shit isn’t worth a damn against an angry wife. You’d think they’d have invented a martial art for that by now.

Permalink  |  No Comments



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

HomeAboutArchiveBestShopEmail © 2003-15 Charlie Hatton All Rights Reserved
Highlights
Me on Film 'n' Stage:
  Drinkstorm Studios


Me on Science (silly):
  Secondhand SCIENCE


Me on Science (real):
  Meta Science News


Me on ZuG (RIP):
  Zolton's FB Pranks
  Zolton Does Amazon


Favorite Posts:
30 Facts: Alton Brown
A Commute Dreary
A Hallmark Moment
Blue's Clues Explained
Eight Your 5-Hole?
El Classo de Espanol
Good News for Goofballs
Grammar, Charlie-Style
Grammar, Revisitated
How I Feel About Hippos
How I Feel About Pinatas
How I Feel About Pirates
Life Is Like...
Life Is Also Like...
Smartass 101
Twelve Simple Rules
Unreal Reality Shows
V-Day for Dummies
Wheel of Misfortune
Zolton, Interview Demon

Me, Elsewhere

Features
Standup Comedy Clips

Selected Clips:
  09/10/05: Com. Studio
  04/30/05: Goodfellaz
  04/09/05: Com. Studio
  01/28/05: Com. Studio
  12/11/04: Emerald Isle
  09/06/04: Connection

Boston Comedy Clubs

 My 100 Things Posts

Selected Things:
  #6: My Stitches
  #7: My Name
  #11: My Spelling Bee
  #35: My Spring Break
  #36: My Skydives
  #53: My Memory
  #55: My Quote
  #78: My Pencil
  #91: My Family
  #100: My Poor Knee

More Features:

List of Lists
33 Faces of Me
Cliche-O-Matic
Punchline Fever
Simpsons Quotes
Quantum Terminology

Favorites
Banterist
...Bleeding Obvious
By Ken Levine
Defective Yeti
DeJENNerate
Divorced Dad of Two
Gallivanting Monkey
Junk Drawer
Life... Weirder
Little. Red. Boat.
Mighty Geek
Mitchieville
PCPPP
Scaryduck
Scott's Tip of the Day
Something Authorly
TGNP
Unlikely Explanations

Archives
Full Archive

Category Archives:

(Stupid) Computers
100Things
A Doofus Is Me
Articles 'n' Zines
Audience Participation
Awkward Conversations
Bits About Blogging
Bitter Old Man Rants
Blasts from My Past
Cars 'n' Drivers
Dog Drivel
Eek!Cards
Foodstuff Fluff
Fun with Words!
Googlicious!
Grooming Gaffes
Just Life
Loopy Lists
Making Fun of Jerks
Marketing Weenies
Married and a Moron
Miscellaneous Nonsense
Potty Talk / Yes, I'm a Pig
Sleep, and Lack Thereof
Standup
Tales from the Stage
Tasty Beverages
The Happy Homeowner
TV & Movies & Games, O My!
Uncategorized
Vacations 'n' Holidays
Weird for the Sake of Weird
Whither the Weather
Wicked Pissah Bahstan
Wide World o' Sports
Work, Work, Work
Zug

Heroes
Alas Smith and Jones
Berkeley Breathed
Bill Hicks
Dave Barry
Dexter's Laboratory
Douglas Adams
Evening at the Improv
Fawlty Towers
George Alec Effinger
Grover
Jake Johannsen
Married... With Children
Monty Python
Nick Bakay
Peter King
Ren and Stimpy
Rob Neyer
Sluggy Freelance
The Simpsons
The State

Plugs, Shameless
100 Best Humor Blogs | Healthy Moms Magazine

Alltop, confirmation that I kick ass

TopOfBlogs

HumorSource

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

bloglovin

Top Blogs

 

Feeds and More
Subscribe via FeedBurner

[Subscribe]

RDF
RSS 2.0
Atom
Credits
Site Hosting:
Solid Solutions

Powered by:
MovableType

Title Banner Photo:
Shirley Harshenin

Creative Commons License
  This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License

Mint Installation

Performancing Metrics

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Valid XHTML 1.0

Valid CSS!

© 2003-15 Charlie Hatton
All Rights Reserved